Lewt Warz

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Belecthor
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Joined: Sun Jul 21, 2019 4:27 am

Lewt Warz

Post by Belecthor » Sun Jul 28, 2019 2:56 am

a long time ago on a server far far away....

Lewt Warz

Episode IV: A New Dewd

It is a period of PVP warfare. PC ships, striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the KEWL PK EMPIRE.

During the battle, PC spies managed to dupe a copy of the plans to the empire's
ultimate weapon the "UNRESTRICTED PK STAR." also known as the UPS. But since UPS is trademarked, we will call it the "UP Star" This armored battle station has the ability to make everyone on the server's PVP switch permanently set to "on"

Pursued by the PK Empire's Kewl Doodz, Princiz Leah65 (They forgot to take the "name screener" off the sooper sekret test server, so everyone just had to do the best they could with their names) races home aboard her starship, custodian of the sooper sekret planz that will restore PVP choice to the galaxy.

An ISD slides into view, rendered in perfect detail. It fires hundreds of lasers at a
smaller craft. Then the view switches to the interior of the ship, and changes to the
real non-rendered game view. If you squint really hard and tilt your head just right,
you can barely tell it's all made of polygons.

An explosion rocks the ship. Sea3Peaoh and ~-*RRRtoo/-/Deetwooo*-~ come into
view.

3peaoh: Dude, they're gonna PK our azzes for sure. Forget this, I'm logging!

RRRtoo: Beep

3peaoh: The princiz is gonna get lewted for sure

RRRtoo: Beep

Down the hall, the door suddenly burst open, only causing the sightest bit of Lag.
Through the open door walks _X~Anikin_Vayderr~X_

3Peaoh is down the hall, looking for RRRtoo

3peaoh: Dude, did you log? you there dude?

He spies RRRtoo down the hall and goes to him. What are you doing down here dude?

RRRtoo: Beep

In the main hall, Vayderr has gotten ahold of one of the rebels.

Vayderr: Where's that freakin Lewt?

Rebel: We haven't got any lewt, we just got PK...U got ne credits you can loan me?
Plz?

Vayderr: If you just got PKed, then where are your corpses?!?!?

He PKs the Rebel leader, then quickly loots his corpse.

Vayderr initiates a transmission to the rebel he just killed.

Vayderr: I owned you dood.

Vayder turns to one of his guildmates.

Vayderr: Tear this place apart until you've found that Lewt. And then bring me the
Ambassador. I heard she's a hottie.

Moments later, several stormtroopers spot Leah65 in the hallway.

Trooper1: There she is, set for stun!

They stun the girl and take her prisoner.

Trooper1: Dude, see if you can loot her clothes, I wanna see if she's anatomically
correct.

Trooper2: I'm F in RL. I don't want to see that. I can tell you we all look like barbie
under here anyhow.

Trooper1: That suxxors.

Back in the hallway, RRRtoo is pushing 3peaoh into an escape pod.

3peaoh: Quit pushing, Slimo.

RRRtoo: Beep.

3peaoh: Yeah, well I liked Episode 1 so sue me!

They get into the escape pod and head for the surface.

In the main control room, two Imperial officers see the pod jettison.

Officer1: PULL!

Officer2 fires at the pod and misses.

Officer1: You shoot like my gramma. And my gramma's dead.

Officer2: Well, I never played any twitch games, bite me FPS boy.

Officer1: Bite your mom.

The pod streaks away safely to the surface.

On the surface, 3peaoh and RRRToo get out of the pod.

3peaoh: Let's go this way.

RRRtoo: Beep

3peaoh: You got a map from SWGStratics? Dude, no way, the game isn't even out yet, and stratics doesn't even have a SWG site. Their Dawn site Roxxors, tho. I can't wait for that game.

RRRtoo: Beep

3peaoh: DAWN IS NOT VAPORWARE, SLIMO!!! That's it, you're on your own!

RRRtoo: Beep

The two droids head off in opposite directions

Back on board the starship, Vayderr has brought Leah65 to see him.

Leah65: Vayderr, I should have known, only you would PK people for no reason.

Vayderr: Don't mess with me, Noob. Now where's my Lewt?

Leah65: I'm not a Newbie!

Vayderr: Oh shtu ufp.

Vayderr: I mean shut up. Take her waaya.

Vayderr: Away, I mean.

The troopers drag Leah65 off the bridge.

Commander: Dude, what if the Guides find out? we'll get banned.

Vayderr: Leave it to me. I had the whole guild file complaints against every member of the rebellion. If the rebels file against us, it'll just look like they're trying to get back at us. It'll take the Guides months to sort it all out, there are only two of them for all 50 servers. By that time, we'll have already won.

Commander: Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet!

Vayderr: Now, let's go down and see if she sent the plans to the surface. There's
nowhere else on the server that you can reach from right here, so they must be there.

Back on the planet, RRRtoo is slowly making his way across the PK zone of Jundland.
Suddenly, a jawa jumps out from behind a rock and fires.

Jawa: YOU SUXXORS!!!! KILL KILL KILL!

RRRtoo explodes violently, but isn't quite dead.

Several Jawas run over to loot him.

Jawa1: Hey, he ain't got no lewt!!! wtf???

Jawa2: Dude, he IS lewt, grab him and we can sell his whle body!

The jawas grab the droid and run off.

Back near the pod, several stormtroopers are searching around.

Stormtrooper commander: Ok, now every-

TrooperBob: Look, sir, droids.

Commander: Bob, we haven't even been here 5 minutes, you couldn't have-

TrooperBob: Yeah but it's the kewlest line in the movie: Look, sir, droids.

Commander: Cut it out bob, it's not even your line

TrooperBob: Look, sir, droids.

TrooperBob: Look, sir, droids.

TrooperBob: Look, sir, droids.

TrooperBob: Look, sir, droids.

TrooperBob: Look, sir, droids.

TrooperBob: Look, sir, droids.

TrooperBob: Look, sir, droids.

TrooperBob: Look, sir, droids.

TrooperBob: Look, sir, droids.

Commander: STOP SPAMMING!!! Fine, let's go to that mos esply place or whatever and see if they went there.

Cut to the Jawa Sandcrawler...it's zooming across the sands of tattoine, zig zagging
all over the place.

Jawa1: Dude, look where you're going.

Jawa2: Hey, I don't know how to drive yet, I don't even have a permit!

in the back, 3peaoh is staggering about. He spots RRRtoo.

3peaoh: RRRtoo! You're alive. They tricked me into climbing in here by telling me there
was a map to some Phat Lewt hiden inside. What do you think they're going to do with
us.

RRRtoo: Beep.

3peaoh: But I'm not even equipped to do that, the picture on that Topps card was a
trick of the lighting and scenery! We're doomed!

Cut to a scene outside the Lars homestead. There is a flash of brilliant light, and a
figure suddenly spawns into view:

Lewkk Skyhackrrr: Stoopid name filter, I spent three hours trying to come up with a
kewl name...

BlueMilkBeru: Lewkk, Leeeeeeewwwwwwwwwkkkkkk

Lewkk: What?

BlueMilkBeru: Make sure your uncle gets the droids BEFORE he hands over the money
this time. You know how those Jawas like to log after they get your cash!

Lewkk: I know, I know, you don't have to tell me!

Lewkk walks over and sees Unkle_IowenU haggling with the Jawas

Lewkk: Unckle, Aunt Beru said-

IowenU: Shut up Noob, can't you see I'm busy?

Lewkk does the "Bird" emote behind IowenU's back.

IowenU looks 3peaoh over.

IowenU: I bet you're a protocol droid.

3peaoh: No way dude, I'm a Jedi assassin droid, or at least I will-

IowenU: I have no use for any of your BS. I need a translator droid.

3peaoh: Dude, I got mad translation skillz. check it out "Kung foo", "Taco", "G'day
Mate!"

IowenU: Hmm, can you speak the binary language of moisture thingamajigies.

3peaoh: Sure dude, check it out: "E Chu ta"

IowenU: Well, ok.

3peaoh: Cool. E Chu ta. E Chu ta.

IOwenU 3peaoh and some red droid begin to walk over to Luke. Suddenly a Guide
appears from nowhere.

Guide: DUPE!

The guide points at the red droid, and it disappears. A moment later so does the
guide.

Lewkk: Uncle! That R2 unit was duped!

IowenU: Hey, what're you trying to push on us? I oughtta PK you right here.

3peaoh: Dood, get that other one, the blue one. He can show **** movies, dood.

Lewkk: UNCLE! UNCLE! GET THE BLUE ONE! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAZZZEEEE?!?!? GET
THE BLUE ONE!!!

IowenU decides to buy the blue one, and they head back to the homestead.

IowenU: Now take those droids and get them cleaned up.

Lewkk: (Whispering) Well, Heil Hitler to you too.

A few minutes later in the garage, Lewkk is dipping 3peaoh into an oil bath.

3peaoh: Oh, thank the Live Team, this feels so good.

Lewkk: Man, this isn't fair. I wanted to be a bounty hunter.

3peaoh: Maybe I can help you.

Lewkk: Not unless you can buff me, twink me, and get me a portal to Coruscant.

3peaoh: Sorry, Dood, I'm only a droid. What zone are we in anyhow?

Lewkk: The one that suxxors, big time.

3peaoh: Oh, well yeah, that does suxxor.

Lewkk begins to try and repair RRRtoo.

Lewkk: I should have put more points in droid repair, I knew it.

3peaoh: Yeah. I should have had some mad PK skillz and we wouldn't be like this, it's
all the fault of the rebels. I never should have gotten on a ship with the Noobs.

Lewkk: You know about the rebellion against the PK Empire.

3peaoh: No, genius, I was talking about the rebellion against the Twilek dancers. What
other rebellion is there?

Lewkk: Don't be a knob, dude.

3peaoh: Anyhow, why don't you see if you can get some movies of that droid?

Lewkk: Ok...hmm, there's something here alright.

Lewkk clicks repeatedly on the droid trying to use his feeble droid repair skills. Finally a
grainy movie appears, showing Princiz Leah65

3peaoh: Kewl, you got some

Lewkk: She's a hottie woohoo! What's she doing, where's the action?

Leah65: Help me, Ewan-Wan Kanobye. You're our only hope.

This keeps repeating over and over.

Lewkk: Who's the girl, and who's Ewan-wan Kanobye?

RRRtoo: Beep

3peaoh: He says he doesn't know sir, and neither do I. See if you can find the
fastforward.

Lewkk fiddles with the droid for a second.

RRRtoo: Beep

3peaoh: He says he needs you to take the restraining bolt off.

Lewkk: Well, ok, but if he PKs me I'm telling.

Lewkk removes the restraining bolt. The image stops playing.

Lewkk: hey, bring back the hottie, Dweeb!

RRRtoo doesn't respond. Suddenly he starts spinning slowly in circles.

3peaoh: Dude, he's lagged bad.

BlueMilkBeru: Lewwwwwk, come get dinner!

Lewkk hand 3peaoh some tools

Lewkk: See if you can fix him when he logs back on.

3peaoh: Yeah, whatever.

Back in the Lars dining room, Lewkk sits down for a nice dinner of Blue Milk and
Fishsticks.

Lewkk: Hey, I think those droids might be stolen.

IowenU: What are you talking about noob? Drink your milk and shut up.

Lewkk: No, one of them had a message for Ewan-Wan Kanobye. You don't think he
could mean "Renton-Kanobye out in the desert do you?

IowenU: That dewd's just a crazy old man. Forget about him. Mindwipe those droids
when you're done with your milk.

Lewkk: But I was gonna go into Beggars canyon and camp some Womp Rats!!!

IowenU: Those rats would own your noobie butt, dewd.

Lewkk: That suxxors..

IowenU: Tough.

Lewkk: I think those new droids are gonna work out fine. I want to transmit my
application to the academy.

IowenU: Why do you want to go to the academy?? The flight in this game is twitch
based. For cryin out loud, don't tell me you never played XvT before? Cripes, what a
Noob!

Lewkk: Sure I did, but I hear they got mad chicks at the academy!

IowenU: No way Noob. You're staying right here. I get a skill bonus for every worker I
have, and I'm not lettin you get away.

Lewkk: You SUCK DOOOD!!

Lewkk runs out of the room.

BlueMilkBeru: Don't you think you were a little hard on the beaver, I mean on Luke?

IowenU: No way. Hey, let's do some "roleplaying" if you know what I mean.

Cut to the garage.

Lewkk comes in, doesn't see 3peaoh...then spots him behind the oil bath.

Lewkk: Hey, what are you doing back there?

3peaoh: I was just washing my hands!! I swear!!

Lewkk: Where's the little guy?

3peaoh: I dunno. Guess he left.

Lewkk: Are you brain dead?

3peaoh: Cool, you like TPM too?

Lewkk: Maul RoxXorS Dewd. But nevermind that now, we gotta find that droid in the
morning, or I'm gonna be a slave here forever.

3peaoh: Ok Dewd.

Cut to the next morning in the Lars kitchen.

BlueMilkBeru: I keep clicking on this blender, but nothing happens. What happened to
the Fully interactive environment.

IowenU: Nevermind that, where's Lewkk?

BlueMIlkBeru: He left, and he took those droids with him.

IowenU: He better be to work by afternoon, or I'm gonna PK him so hard it's gonna
reset the server.

Cut to the desert, with Luke and 3peaoh speeding across it. They spot RRRtoo and
Jump out.

Lewkk: Grab him, we gotta get back, my mom needs the comp and I'm gonna have to
log soon.

3peaoh: That suxxors dood.

Lewk and 3peaoh wrestle RRRtoo down and take him back to the speeder. Lewkk hears
a noise from over the hill.

Lewkk: Dewd, let's go see what spawns over there.

3peaoh: No way Dood, I got no combat skillz at all.

Lewkk: It's cool dude, I got yer back.

3peaoh and Lewkk go over the hill and look down the hill.

Lewkk: Banthas. Kewl. Hmm, there should be sandpeople, but-Oh there's one

3peaoh: I don't see him dood.

Lewk: Try adjusting your screen size, he's right at the edge.

3peaoh: Oh, I see him.

Sudedenly, a tusken raider spawns right in front of Lewkk. and takes him by surprise.
Lewkk tries to avoid the fight by logging, but the server recognizes his cowardly tactic
and allows the raider to beat the snot out of him.

Cut to Lewkk being dragged away by a tusken raider. Suddenly a hooded figure jumps
out from behind a rock and Kills the raider with a lightsaber.

Lewkk wakes up

Lewkk: Oh, dewd...hey, it's you Renton. I, uh, I got lagged and booted...

Renton: Quit fraking laying boy-o, I saw the whole thang.

Lewkk: Why are you typing like that, can't you spell?

Renton: It's sapposed to bae mye scottesh accshent dewd, doant' you laike it?

Lewkk: It sucks. Hey do you know an Ewan-Wan Kenobye?

Renton: Ewan-Wan...Ewan-Wan...Yah, I hard that nayme before, aye.

Lewkk: Is he around here?

Renton: Shore and begoorah he is.

Lewkk: Isn't that more Irish than scottish?

Renton: Shat yer mowth Dewd. I used to go by the name of Ewan-Wan, oh before ye
were evan Spawn-ed. "Chose life, choose a job, choose a big friggin television..." See?

Lewkk: Trainspotting Roxxors Dewd. I got an R2 unit with a massage for you.

Renton: A Massage? Kewl.

Lewkk: Wait, I spelled that wrong, it a message.

Renton: Oh, well let's get back to my hut. The sandpeople are gonna respawn in a
minute.

The two collect 3peaoh and RRRtoo and drive to the hut.

Lewkk: Dewd, how many credits you pay for this house?

Renton: I got it in character creation, Dewd. I had to make myself like 90 years old as
a trade off, but it's pretty a pretty sweet crib.

Lewkk: Cool

Renton: Hey, wanna check out this Lightsaber.

Lewkk: Dude, no offense, but you can keep your "Lightsaber" to yourself.

Renton: No, look. This was your father's.

Renton-Wan ignites a lightsaber.

Renton: I'd give it to you, but it's no-drop.

Lewkk: I know a way around that. Take off all your clothes.

Renton: But you just said-

Lewkk: Don't be an idiot, jut do it.

Renton disrobes, and Lewkk quickly PKs him. Due to a programming bug, renton drops
the only item he's carrying, the lightsaber, which Lewkk quickly loots.

Renton respawns across the room.

Renton: You TWIT! you know how much skills I just lost!

Lewkk: It's kewl dewd, I'll help you burn it off later.

Renton: Oh well. Hey, you've got the force, want to go do some Jedi quests?

Lewkk: I've got the FORCE???? But it's random and there's like 1 in 10000000000000
odds that a character will be force sensitive!!!!!!!!!!!

Renton: Yah, sweet, isn't it.

Lewkk: Wait right here. I'll brb.

Lewkk logs off. Renton waits several hours, and Lewkk doesn't return. Finally, after a
week of checking, Renton logs in one day, and there is Lewkk.

Renton: FINALLY??? What, did ur comp crash?

Lewkk: Huh? Who are you?

Renton: Didn't we go through this already last week?

Lewkk: No dewd. That was the other guy, my Dad bought me this Jedi account that
he saw for sale on an auction on the internet.

Renton: What??? That little twerp!!

Lewkk: Oh, are you Renton-wan/Ewan-Wan Kanobye?

Renton: Yeah

Lewkk: The guy that had this account before told me to tell you he's enjoying his new
house that he bought with the money my dad paid for this account.

Renton just sighs.

Renton: Ok, well, we're going to go do some Jedi quests.

Lewkk: No way dewd. My dad didn't buy me this account to Quest. I'm going to use
my mad jedi skillz on some Jawas.

Lewkk runs out into the desert and Renton chases after him
Cut to Lewkk and Renton-Wan standing in front of a trashed sandcrawler.

Lewkk: Someone already PKed them, kill stealers.

Renton-Wan: I bet they were after the droids. They'll be after you and your aunt and
uncle next.

Lewkk: Aunt and Uncle, Kewl I'll pay those kill stealers back by PKing them before they
get to them!!

Lewkk rushes off. He arrives at the Lars farm and sees the corpses of IowenU and
BlueMilkBeru. He checks the corpses for Loot. Lewkk screams and drives back to
Renton-Wan.

Lewkk: They stole my kills and Looted them too. I want to do the Jedi quests and crush the empire. Now let's get out of here before My aunt and uncle respawn and I have to go work on a farm!

They drive off in the speeder.

Open on the UP Star. An ISD glides towards its surface. In the distance we see a line
of X-Wings several hundred miles long futilely camping the indestructible space
station.

In an interior conference room aboard the UP Star, MotleyDewd, Tagge, and
Parkin_TarkenX are discussing their plans.

Motley: Dang it Tagge, how did you get your right name?

Tagge: I guess nobody knows who I am.

Motley: Man, That sux I'm gonna call a guide and tell 'em to add your name to the list.

TarkenX: Too late, Motley. I have just received word that the Live Team has crushed
the guide program. They've all been reassigned to the new " " MMORPG.

Tagge: That's impossible! How will they control Duping? Who will stop the spammers?
And who in the world will be in charge of Nerfing????

TarkenX: We have taken over all those functions for the Live Team. Fear will keep the
locals in line. Fear of this battle station.

Tagge: And what of the Rebellion? If those carebears have the plans-

Vayder: I'll get those plans back. Quit yer whining, Noob.

Motley: Any attack made by those Bluebies will be futile this station will just respawn
and we'll respawn with it they can't do anything to stop us

Vayderr: Don't be too proud of this gigantic MOB you have. The power of this station
is nothing compard to the force of my force. And try using some periods in your
sentences, it gets annoying to read it after a while.

Motley: The Force of your force What r u talking about haha look ma no periods huh
that sounded sick hey vayderr what r u gonna do I still aint got no periods in my
sentences hahaha u suxx-

Motley starts to choke and gasp as Vayderr force chokes him.

Vayderr: I find your lack of grammar disturbing.

TarkenX: Cut it out, dewd, or I'll boot you from the guild.

Vayderr: You're lucky, punkazz

Vayderr releases Motley.

Cut to The surface of Tattoine. Lewkk and Ewan-Wan are overlooking a city from a
hilltop.

Ewan-Wan: ...Choose DYI and wondering who the frig you are on sunday mornings,
choose pishing away your last in a miserable-

Lewkk: Dewd, enough already.

Ewan-Wan: Whatever dewd. Look, there's Mos Eisley. You will never find a more
wretched hive of Spam and Lag. We must be careful. If I lag off, just wait for me, ok?

Lewkk: Cool dewd.

Lewkk, Ewan and the droids drive into Mos Eisley on Lewkk's speeeder. Cries and
shouts seem to come from everywhere, and the action slows down to a crawl as
unholy lag kicks in.

Jawa1: LIGHTSABER CRYSTALS, I got yer LIGHTSABER CRYSTALS. ALL TRADES
CONSIDERED.

DarkJediDewd: DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE JEDI TRAINING MASTERS ARE? PM ME
PLZ!!!

Jawa2: TRADING: 1 STORMTROOPER HELMET. 2 WRIST ROCKETS. 1 DEWBACK SADDLE.
LOOKING FOR JETPACKS OR ION CANNONS ONLY!!! PM ME!!!

DarkJediDewd: DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE JEDI TRAINING MASTERS ARE? PM ME
PLZ!!!

Jawa3: LOOKING FOR PROTOCOL DROID HEADS!! PAYING GOOD!! PM ME.

DarkJediDewd: DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE JEDI TRAINING MASTERS ARE? PM ME
PLZ!!!

Lewkk: Man, look at all the spam in this place.

DarkJediDewd: DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE JEDI TRAINING MASTERS ARE? PM ME
PLZ!!!

Ewan: Yes. Let's be careful.

Two stormtroopers step up to the speeder.

TrooperBob: Look, sir, droids.

Commander: Enough Bob, just stand there and let me talk.

DarkJediDewd: DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE JEDI TRAINING MASTERS ARE? PM ME
PLZ!!!

Commander: Alright, where did you get these droids?

DarkJediDewd: DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE JEDI TRAINING MASTERS ARE? PM ME
PLZ!!!

Ewan: We looted them from some guys back on dantooine.

DarkJediDewd: DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE JEDI TRAINING MASTERS ARE? PM ME
PLZ!!!

Commander: DarkJediDewd will you SHUT UP???? NO ONE IS GOING TO HELP YOU FIND
JEDI MASTERS YOU NOOB!

DarkJediDewd: Why not YOU ALL SUXXORS. THIS GAME SUXXORS!!!

Commander: Alright, how long have you had these droids.

DarkJediDewd: COMMANDER EATS POODOO!! COMMANDER EATS POODOO!!

Conmmander: Alright, get ready to be PKed.

The commander stalks away towards DarkJediDewd and Lewkk and Ewan sneak away.

Lewkk: Whew, that was close.

Ewan: Spam can have a powerful effect on the weak minded. Come on, let's find a
pilot. Go in there.

Lewkk parks the speeder and they go into the Cantina.

The Bartender spots them as they walk in.

Bartender: Hey, we don't serve droids in here.

Lewkk: Why not? What r u, a racist?

Bartender: No, I'm not a racist. Dude, some of my best friends are droids.

3peaoh: Dude this place suxxors anyhow, I'm going to go check out the armory.

Lewkk: Ok, go ahead, we'll catch you laterz

3peaoh: Laterz dewd

R2: Beep.

Lewkk goes over to the bar and glances around. suddenly he notices the lack of
variety amongst the patrons. All are either Male Chiss or red haired human females. He
quickly scans over their names: 00Thrawn00, Adm~Thrawn, AdThrwn, ThrawnDewd,
22Thrawn22, ~ThrawnAdmrl~, MJayde~10, xXMarrraJdexX, ooMraJdeoo, MJaydee221,
~EmpshndMara~

Lewkk: Not much variety in here.

Bartender: What'll it be, kid?

Lewkk: 1 blue milkshake, to go.

ThrawnDeniro is sitting next to Lewkk and does the *laugh* emote

ThrawnDeniro: You wuss, get a real drink

Lewkk: But it's not even-

ThrawnDeniro: Are u talkn to me? r u? I get banned from 12 servers, dewd. Don't u b
talkin to me.

Lewkk: Ok, I'll be-

ThrawnDeniro: You'll be PKed Dewd!!

Ewan-Wan: Hey, back off dewd.

ThrawnDeniro: Sux to you old fart.

Ewan whips out his lightsaber and PKs ThrawnDeniro. He quickly loots the corpse.

SooperSith: DEWD!! R U A JEDI?? SHOW ME HOW TO BE JEDI!! PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ
PLZ PLZ!!!

Ewan quickly PKs and loots him too.

Ewan points to a wookie next to him.

Ewan: Ok, Lewkk, this is Wackytabaccy. His friend has a ship for us, let's go.

Wacky: ROOOAR

Wacky leads Lewkk and Ewan over to a table where a little jawa is seated.

Lewkk: Are you kidding, a Jawa?

Jawa: Wait here, this is just my mule.

The Jawa disappears, and a moment later @Hann_Sulu@ appears.

Hann: U guys looking for a ship?

Lewkk: Yeah, dood. Hey, why are named Sulu?

Hann: Dood, Trek Roxxors. I just play this game to sell stuff to JEbay.

Lewkk: You deal with JEbay_the_Hutt??? That's who I got this account from. He roolz,
dewd.

Hann: Yeah,I might be able to take you to where you want to go.

Lewkk: What kind of ship u got?

Hann: Dewd, I got the Millennium Falcon, Dewd

Lewkk: No way!!! Dewd, how long did you have to camp to get that sucker???

Hann: Like 3 months straight Dewd. My wife left me, my kid got hooked on paint
thinner, and I lost my job while I was sitting at the comp, but I got that ship,
Baybeee!

Lewkk: Sweeeeet! How much?

Hann: 10,000 credits, plus any Phat Lewt we find between here and there.

Lewkk: 10,000, we could almost get our own ship for that.

Hann: Yeah, dewd, but who'z gonna fly it, you?

Lewkk: Dwd, I play XvT all the time. Plus there's a dewback outside that was top of
the ladder. No way Dewd, 2000 or forget it.

Hann: Ok dewd. Meet me at docking bay 49.

Ewan. 49.

Hann: Wait, that's a typo, it's 94.

Ewan: 94. Got it.

Lewkk and Ewan leave to get the droids.

Hann: Dewd, this could really save our buttinskis. with 2000 and some lewt, we can
pay off JEbay. Go get the ship ready, Dewd.

Wacky: ROOOAR

Wacky leaves.

Greendough steps in front of Hann as he tries to leave.

Greendough: Oota Goota Sulu?

Hann: Hey Greenie! I was just on my way to JEbay-

Greendough: Forget it dewd. Give me some lewt or I'll PK you and give you over to
JEbay.

Hann: Come on Dewd, it wasn't my fault.

Greendough: Tough noogie. Jebay don't like farmers who give up their lewt at the first
sign of a PK group.

Hann: Come on, even I get Pked sometimes.

Greendough: Hand over some Lewt or you're headed back to your bind point in a box.

Hann: Try it, dewd.

Greendough: Ok, let's throw down!

Greendough fires at Hann. The shot inexplicably veers off 12 feet to the right and hits the wall.

Hann: Ha, I turned off my PK switch while you weren't looking, Dewd!

Hann quickly turns on his PK switch and blasts Greendough. Then he loots the corpse.

Hann contacts Greendough via comlink.

Hann: Dewd, I owned you. And your loot suxxors, my Mule's got better loot than your main, dewd.

Greendough: !@$#@ you Sulu, trekkie geek.

Hann: Picard Roolz, dewd. Later Looooser.

Hann takes off for the docking bay.

Outside Lewkk is standing by Ewan-Wan

Lewkk: And then he logged, Dewd!!! That little twit logged!!

Ewan: You goon, I can't believe you traded first.

Lewkk: Dewd, he swore that his main was a Jedi, how did I know???

Ewan: You NEVER trade to a mule, especially not a JAWA mule, you idiot! How much do you have left?

Lewkk: Dewd, I'm broke, now I'll never get to be a Jedi.

Ewan: Never mind, the force will provide.

Lewkk: How, dewd?

Ewan: See those stormtroopers over there?

Lewkk: Yeah

Ewan: Do you know what a "Train" is?

Lewkk: Dewd, you rool!

A few minutes later, Lewkk, Ewan and the droids train a huge mob of stormtroopers into docking bay 94. They jump onboard the falcon, and Hann has no choice but to take off to get away from the MOB.

Hann: You guys better have my money.

Lewkk: Don't worry, we'll pay you when we get to Alderaan.

Hann: You better

Ewan: By the way, you got to land in Alderaan's PK zone when we get there.

Hann: What for?

Ewan: We'll tell you after we land.

Open on the UP Star

TarkenX: Ok Dood, let's see, what can we do now?

Vayderr: Let's get the princiz out here and mess with her.

TarkenX: Kewl, bring her to me.

A few minutes later Princiz Leah65 is brought before TarkenX and Vayderr.

Vayderr: Ok...Hey Princiz, are you m or f in rl?

Leah65: None of your business

TarkenX: You better answer, or we'll PK you right here.

Leah65: Go for it, I'll just respawn back on Alderaan.

TarkenX: If you don't tell us, we'll unleash the power of this station on your home planet!

Leah65: No! Alderaan is a carebear planet. We don't even have any PK zones!

TarkenX: Then tell us are you M or F??

Leah65: Dewd, I'm M. I like cross gender role play.

TarkenX: Ewww!!! You got problems! Prepare the main gun!

Vayderr: She's a MAN, Baby!

Leah65: But you said-

TarkenX: That's before I knew u were m.

The UP Star prepares it's laser and fires on Alderaan. A moment later we watch as the planet turns from blue to red.

TarkenX: Hah, now your people will be invaded and PKed by our army of Kewl Doodz! Take her away!

Vayderr: She's a MAN, Baby!

TarkenX: I mean take HIM away. We'll PK him in a little while.

Cut to the Falcon. Lewkk is popping his LS over and over.

Lewkk: Dewd, this thing rox

Hann: Hey, I was just looking over the Alderaan map at SWVault.com. It says there aren't any PK zones there. Why did you want to go to a PK zone on Alderaan anyhow?

Ewan: Umm, well, nevermind.

3peaoh: How long til we get there?

Hann: Pretty soon

Hann: Dewd, that saber roxxors. I wish I had one of those.

Lewkk swings the LS around, smashing up the interior of the Falcon

Hann: KNOCK IT OFF! You know how long I had to camp this thing?

3peaoh: How long til we get there?

Hann: A little while yet.

Lewkk: Sorry Dewd, I was just practicing.

Ewan: Lewkk, you better practice on a droid with that thing.

3peaoh: Forget it dewd, no way!

Ewan: I wasn't talking about you. I've got a practice droid somewhere in my pack.

Ewan goes through his pack.

Ewan: Hmm, let's see, 12 gaffi sticks, 3 power generators, a lightsaber, 30 food rations, 36 bottles of water, 4 extra brown Jedi robes, a power cell, one pair Padme's nylons-

Lewkk: Who's Padme, dewd?

Ewan: Uhh, nevermind.

Ewan: Let's see, where's that droid...hmm, here's a medical droid, half a protocol droid, a broken nubian type J-22 hyperdrive assembely, a sandcrawler, oh, here it is, one practice droid.

Ewan sets up the practice droid.

Ewan: Did you get that macro proggie I sent you

Lewkk: Yeah dewd. I'll turn it on, then I'm goin to get a pizza.

Lewkk engages his macro

3peaoh: How long til we get there?

Ewan: Will you quit asking that?

3peaoh: Dewd this space flight thing is boring. Hey Wacky, you wanna play some holochess?

Wacky: ROOAR

3peaoh: Oh, you didn't buy the holochess expansion pack? That sux dewd.

Wacky: ROOAR

The Falcon comes out of hyperspace.

Hann: Woah!! Look at that!

Ewan: What is that red thing? Where's Alderaan?

Hann: That's what I'm saying, that is Alderaan, she's gone totally PK.

3peaoh: But that's impossible!

Ewan: It must have been the PK Empire.

Hann: No way, it'd take the power even stronger than the guides to do that. Maybe the live team could make a whole planet go PK, but I doubt it!

Ewan: Well, whatever...just put her down right over there...

Hann: No way, Dewd, I'm not going into a PK Zone with you guys, I know what you were planning.

Ewan waves his hand at Hann

Ewan: You will put down on the planet

Hann: Dewd, that Jedi mind trick thing is so bugged, you know it doesn't work half the time.

Ewan: Oh well, can't say I didn't try.

Wacky: ROOAR!

Hann: Woah, look, it's a TIE Fighter! Dewd, If I can nab that thing I can pay off my debt. Do you know how much JEbay buys TIE's for?

Ewan: Dewd, forget it, we're supposed to be going and camping some Jedi quests.

Hann: Hey, this is my ship. If you don't like it, you can get out and walk.

Hann takes off after the TIE.

Ewan: Hey, what's that thing it's heading for?

Hann: I dunno.

Ewan: It looks like an armored battle station.

Hann: Cool, dewd, you know how much lewt must be on that thing? I'm goin for it.

3peaoh: Woah, look at all those fighters over there

3peaoh points at the miles long line of camping X-Wings

Hann: Dewd, this thing must drop some pretty phat lewt when it gets destroyed. But I'm not caming that line right now, let's just go in and look around.

Ewan: Why? Let's just get in line, it's just gonna get longer.

Hann: Hey, I choose not to choose the line. And the reasons? Who needs reasons when you've got phat lewt? Am I right?

Ewan: Dewd!! When you're right, you're right! Let's go!

The falcon cruises in and lands on the UP Star.

Hann: Let's go check it out.

Ewan: Wait, we gotta be sneaky...

Hann: Listen fool-

Ewan: What are you, Mister T? You're the fool, foolboy.

Hann: I'm gonna PK your fool butt in a minute-

Suddenly a group of stormtroopers spawn outside the falcon. THey try to rush in, but can't seem to find the door. The run against the side of the ship, pressing their foreheads into the hull, looking like they're trying to bore straight through it.

Ewan: This AI sux dewd.

Hann: Let's get 'em. Where's Lewkk.

Ewan: He's still macroing...must be getting his pizza still.

Hann: Forget him then, let's go

Ewan and Hann rush out and ob.

A minute later Lewkk comes out.

Lewkk: Ok, my LS skill is maxxed. Hey, you didn't leave me any kills!

Hann: It's kewl dood, we'll go in, find a spot, camp it and do some powerleveling.

Lewkk: Ok, kewl, let's go.

The group sneaks into the station, looking for a place to powerlevel...

Hann: Ewan, dood, can you give me some buffs?

Ewan: Sorry Dewd, I gotta save all my force for my self.

Hann: Thanks a lot dewd, you're a big help.

Ewan: Besides, you Noobs will just leech of my XP anyhow.

Lewkk: Dewd, then go fight by yourself somewhere

Ewan: Fine, see you noobs laterz

Ewan goes off on his own.

RRRtoo: Beep

3peaoh: Doodz, RRRtoo says there's a spawn up in here.

Lewkk: Kewl, letz go.

The group rushes into the room and blasts the mob.

Hann: Dewd, the XP rox here.

Lewkk: Yeah, how long til they respawn.

Hann: Who knows Dood, let's wait here and see.

3peaoh: Hey, I just did a check of who's online and Princiz Leah65 is online.

Lewkk: Sweeet! Chicks Rool Dewd. I'm gonna PM her.

Lewkk PMs Leah65.

Lewkk: Hey there baby.

Leah65: Hi. A/S/L?

Lewkk: Umm, 20/M/USA I'm 6'2, 180, I got blonde hair, killer pecs and a six pack. I'm a writer, independently wealthy, a computer programmer, I have a 158 IQ, I'm a master of marshal arts, too.

Leah65: Isn't it Martial arts? Anyhow, I'm 16, 5'8 105 pounds, a cheerleader, gymnast and dancer. I have blue eyes, a tan and long blonde hair, and I like to make out a lot.

Lewkk: Oh yeah. What r u wearing?

Leah65: You'll have to come rescue me to find out.

Lewkk: Cool, where r u?

Leah65: The detention area.

Lewkk: I'm on my way honey.

Leah65: Ok sweetie *kiss*

Lewkk: Hann, lets go rescue the princiz!

Hann: No way dewd, I'm not splitting the XP or loot anymore than I already have too. I'm camping right here.

Lewkk: Dewd...she's got Lotsa Lewt I bet.

Hann: How much?

Lewk: More than you could sell to JEbay in a lifetime

Hann: I dunno dewd, I can sell quite a lot. But what the heck,lets go. But leave the droids here. I ain't coming all the way back in here to pick up their corpses.

RRRtoo: Beep

3peaoh: What are we supposed to do?

Lewkk: Lock the doors, dewd.

Hann: And hope they don't respawn.

Lewwk, Wacky and Hann take off for the detention area.

Hann: Ok, dewd. Let's rock.

Hann, Lewkk and Wacky storm the detention block and wipe out the mob.

Lewkk: Her cells down there, I'm goin.

Hann: Cool.

Suddenly the comlink buzzes

Voice: Hey, what're you guys doin down there?

Hann: Umm, hey...do you know how long it takes for the guards in the prison block to respawn?

Voice: You need more guards? Ok, I'll spawn a whole legion down there for you. Over and out dewd.

Hann: Oh crud! LEWKK, WE'RE GONNA HAVE MAJOR SPAWNAGE!!!

Down the hall, Lewkk enters Leah65's cell.

Lewkk: Hey hottie.

Leah65: Hey hottie. let's get out of here.

Lewkk and Leah65 head back down the corridor. Suddenly a battalion of stormtroopers spawns and Hann and Wacky run down the corridor to meet them.

Leah65: Dewd!!! DON'T TRAIN THE TROOPERS DOWN HERE, IDIOT!

Hann: I got no other choice!! Where's the back door?

Lewkk: There isn't one dewd!!

Leah65: You twerp, you're gonna get us all killed!

Hann: Well, you're the one that needed rescuing, babe!

Leah65: Shut up or I'll PK you, Noob!

Hann: I am not a noob, my freakin mules have more skills than you do!

Leah65: Forget it, let's just lag through this grate here.

The group runs into the wall, waiting for a moment of lag to cause them to glitch through to the other side. The vast number of troopers firing at them causes a huge lag, and they slide through the closed grate easily, only to find themselves in a mysterious black room.

Lewkk: Where are we dood?

Hann: I have a bad feeling about this...

Leah65: I have a bad feeling about your bad feeling

Wacky: ROAAR

Hann: Wacky sez he has a bad feeling about your bad feeling.

Lewkk: Wait a sec, I know where we are! We're in "Hacker Hell!!"

Hann: What? What's that??

Leah65: Don't you know anything?? Hacker Hell is the place you get sent when the server detects any of your account information! We must have triggered it when we lagged through!

Lewkk: If we don't get out of here, we'll get banned for sure!!

Leah65: What do we do?

Hann: Ok, quick, everybody log, maybe that'll get us out!

They all quickly log off. A moment later they log back in to find themselves split up on different parts of the station. Lewkk and Leah65 are together, and Hann and Wacky are somewhere else.

Leah65: Whew, that was close.

Lewkk: Let's get out of here, I've had enough of this place.

Leah65: Yeah, let's go camp some Bothans or something.

Lewkk: Letz go. I'll PM Hann and tell him to meet us there.

On another part of the station, 3peaoh and RRRtoo are waiting for the others to return. Suddenly a stormtrooper spawns. 3peaoh and RRRtoo gang up on the critter, but are easily killed. They respawn in the falcon.

3peaoh: Dewd, that sucked. I wonder where Lewkk is.

RRRtoo: Beep.

3peaoh: Oh yeah, I forgot I had him squelched. Just a sec.

3peaoh unsquelches Lewkk.

Lewkk: Where r u?

3peaoh: We're in the ship dewd. You comin or what?

Lewkk: Yah dewd, we'll be right there. Hann and wacky are coming too.

Lewkk and Leah65 race towards the ship.

Cut to Hann and Wacky running from some stormtroopers.

TrooperBob: Look, sir, droids.

Commander: You idiot, those aren't droids! They're rebels and they're getting away, after them!

The commander and Bob chase Hann and Wacky towards some blast doors.

Commander: Click on the blast doors! Click on the blast doors!

Hann and Wacky slip through the blast doors just in time.

Commander: Click on the blast doors! click on the blast doors!

TrooperBob: Look, sir, droids.

Commander has had enough and PKs Bob.

Cut to another part of the station. Ewan-Wan is wading through an army of troopers with his "Double bladed indestructible mega lightsaber of super goodness"

Ewan: Come on suckers, drop some lewwwwwwwt!

From behind him Vayderr stalks ionto view.

Vayderr: Ewan-Wan. I thought you might come here. The lure of this stations lewt is too powerful for even you to resist.

Ewan: Anikin. Wuz up Dewd?

Vayderr: Not much dewd. I think I'm gonna PK you though. I want that LS you've got.

Ewan: No way dewd, I got this loot when I did the "defeat Darth Maul" Quest. Besides, it's no-drop.

Vayderr: Well, I'll PK you anyhow

Ewan: Bring it on Dewd.

Ewan and Vayderr start to duel. They kick, punch, jump and flip all over the station, finall winding up near the Falcon just as Lewkk, Hann, Wacky and Leah65 arrive.

Lewkk: EWAN! Let's go!

Ewan: No way dewd, I'm ownin all over this joker. I'll catch up to you later, get out of here.

Lewkk: Ok, kewl dewd.

Lewkk and the rest climb on the ship and take off. The animation of the ship departure causes stationwide lag however, and Ewan Wan lags off in the middle of combat. The server detects this, and enacts the brand new "logging off during combat" punishment that the live team instituted in response to a whole bunch of people posting mesasages complaining about the tactic on the message boards. Well, actually it was only one guy with 200 user names and nothing better to do, but the live team bought it anyhow, and Ewan-Wan is resurrected as a permanent ghost when he logs back on.

Ewan: Dewd!!! This suxxors, I can't do anything except talk to people now.

Vayderr: Sux to be u dewd. Laterz

Open on the Falcon, flying away from the UP Star.

Lewkk: Dewd, come on, let's camp this thing.

Hann: No way dewd. I'll drop you off at the Starship store down on Yavin 4 and you can get your own ship, I'm taking off to go camp the Rancor.

Lewkk: What's a Rancor?

Hann: You'll find out dewd.

Lewkk: Whatever, ok drop me off. But you're gonna miss out on whatever lewt this thing drops.

Hann: Whatever. Have fun camping.

Hann drops lewk off at "Ye olde spaceship shoppe" on Yavin 4.

Lewkk goes in and spots the shopkeeper, a red haired Chiss.

Lewkk: Hey dood, What kind of name is this for a store?

MaraThrawn: Hey, this was my shoppe in UO, so I just brought the name with me, you don't like it, you go somewhere else.

Lewkk: Whatever. What about roleplaying, dewdd?

Mara: I AM roleplaying. Roleplaying just means taking a role. So I'm taking the role of a person that played UO and now is playing SWG. Who are you to say what roleplaying is? You're not the boss of me!!

Lewkk: Whatever. How much for a spaceship?

MaraThrawn: What kind of ship you want?

Lewkk: I want a corellian YT-1300 with a cloaking device, two ion cannons, a wet bar, a waterbed-

Mara: Ok Dewd. What u got to trade?

Lewkk: Umm, I got 200 suits of stormtrooper armor, a bunch of wamprat whiskers, and a practice droid I stole from Ewan-Wan.

Mara: That lewt sux, but if you give me all of it, I'll trade you a "slightly used" X-wing.

Lewkk: Ok, let me have the ship.

Mara: No way, you trade first.

Lewkk: No, you first.

Mara: No you.

Lewkk: No, you.

Mara: No, you go.

Lewkk: No you go.

Mara: No, you first.

Lewkk: No, me first.

Mara: No way dewd, Me first.

Lewkk: Ok you win, you first.

Mara: Ok dewd.

Mara drops the ship and Lewkk grabs it and shoves it in his backpack. Lewkk then hands all his lewt to Mara.

Mara: Good trade dewd.

Lewkk: Laterz.

Lewkk takes the beaten up old X-wing out and unpacks it. RRRtoo climbs into the droid seat in the back.

3peaoh: What am I gonna do while you guys camp that line?

Lewkk: I don't know, you and the priniz can go macro or something.

Leah65: Ok dewd, I'll c u later.

Lewkk: Cya.

Lewkk takes off and flies towards the UP star.

As he approaches his comlink sounds.

Red_Leader_SWG: back of the line, Noob.

Red_Leader_1138: Yeah Dewd, what he said.

Red_Leader_Adm_Thrwn: We've been here for a year dewd, don't even think about cutting.

Lewkk: How long does this thing take to respawn?

Red_Leader_Skiewlkr: Like 3 years dewd. But it drops the best lewt in the game.

Lewkk: What's that?

Red_Leader_Kyp55: A medal and a ticket to the big "End of the movie" celebration!

Lewkk: What's it good for?

Darth_Red_Leader: Dewd, it lets you stop playing and get back to your life for a little while.

Red_Leader_Galactica: Dewd, I gotta have it, I haven't seen the sun since forver.

Red_Leader_4ever: I know what u mean dewd.

Red_Leader_Maul: Ok, dewds, I'm going in.

Red_Leader_Mastahkillahl: Go 4 it dewd!!!

Red_Leader_Maul flies in, evading hundreds of TIEs and starts his run on the UP star trench.

Lewkk: Doodz, about how long does this fight take?

Red_Leader_Anuhken: about 7 minutes dewd.

Suddenly there is a system wide announcement.

System Administrator: The server will be coming down for maintenance in 5 minutes. Please move to safety and log off. The system will be back online in 1 hour.

System Administrator: The server will be coming down for maintenance in 5 minutes. Please move to safety and log off. The system will be back online in 1 hour.

Red_Leader_Maul: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I've been here 18 months!!! I'm gonna lose my turn!!!

Red_Leader_Maul tries his best to make it, but the system shuts down before he canfire his weapons.

6 weeks later, the server finally comes back online. Lewkk, ever the faithful camper, has been sitting at his comp trying to log in the whole time. He manages to be the first one back on and starts his run.

Lewkk: Kewl, no one's on. It's all MINE!!

Vayderr comes over the comlink.

Vayderr: No way dewd, it's PK city for you.

Vayderr chases Lewkk through the trench. He finally catches up to him just as Lewkk is about to kill the UP star.

Ewan-Wan suddenly appears in front of Vayderr's ship, blocking his view.

Ewan: Nah nah, you can't hit me, Lozer.

Vayderr: Get out of my way, Casper!

Ewan: Make me, Dewd.

Vayderr fires all of his weapons at once, causing such an amount of lag the Ewan once again gets logged off.

Vayderr: Upgrade to cable, modem boy!

Vayderr catches up to Lewkk and gets him in his sights.

Vayderr: Hasta Lavista Baybee.

Suddenly the Falcon flies down from above Vayderr.

Vayderr: No! I've been camped!!!

Hann blasts Vayderr's ship to bits.

Hann: I OWNED U DOOOOOOD!!!!!!

Lewkk fires at the UP Star, destroying it. He then flies back and loots its corpse.

Lewkk: I GOT PHAT LEWTT DEWD!!!! Let's PARTY!!

Hann: SWEEEEEEEEEETTTT!

Hann and Lewkk fly off to go to the celebration.

In the meantime Vayderr respawns on coruscant. TarkenX is there, having just respawned too.

Vayderr: We'll get them next time, dewd.

TarkenX: Not me, dewd. The LOTR MMORPG goes gold tomorrow. I'm gonna get there first so I don't have to have this stoopid X after my name anymore.

Vayderr: No way dewd, who's gonna help me crush the rebellion?

TarkenX: Not my probelm Dewd. Middle Earth, here I come!!

TarkenX logs.

Back on Yavin 4, Lewkk activates the End of Movie ticket, and the celebration begins.

Lewkk: Dewd...what are we gonna do now? We got all the lewt, I got the girl, and the UP star is destroyed.

Leah65: Don't worry, there's an expansion coming out tomorrow.

3peaoh: Kewl, what's it called?

Hann: "The Empire Nerfs Back" What do you think that means?

Lewkk: Dunno Dewd, but I bet it roxxors...I hope I get to kick butt again.

Hann: Kewl dewd, maybe it'll have an upgrade for the Falcon.

Ewan: You guys are in for a surprise.

Leah65: I have a bad feeling about this...

Wacky: ROOAR

RRRtoo: Beep.

User avatar
Belecthor
Posts: 33
Joined: Sun Jul 21, 2019 4:27 am

Re: Lewt Warz

Post by Belecthor » Sun Jul 28, 2019 2:56 am

a long time ago on a server far far away...

Lewt Warz

Episode V: The Empire Nerfs Back

Cut to Lewkk wandering in the snow. Hann comes riding up.

Hann: Dewd, where's the spawnage.

Lewkk: Um, over in that cave...let's go get it.

Hann: Dewd, I'm all over it.

Hann and Lewkk run into the cave and are promptly killed by the one-armed wampa. They respawn back at the rebel base.

Lewkk: Dewd, that suxxored

Leah65 comes in.

Leah65: Where have you two been?

Hann: Pardon us your noobfulness. We were out camping.

Leah65: Stop calling me that! You're the ones that just had to respawn.

Hann: It's not my fault, the update's bugged.

Lewkk: It's not bugged dewd, it's nerfed!

Hann: NOOOOOO!! That's IMPOSSIBLE!!!

Leah65: Is that why that piece of junk ship won't work?

Hann: That ship is my life, don't dis it.

Leah65: Hah. Not that you'd need any nerfs, dweeb. You already suxxors as it is.

Hann: You know you want it, Ho.

Leah65: Yeah, riiiiight.

Leah65 give Lewkk a kiss. Then leaves.

Wacky: ROOAR

Hann: you want PKed?

Lewkk: Calm down Hann. You're just jealous cause I'm gettin some.

Hann: Dewd, that's it, I'm leaving.

Hann goes out into the snow. An imperial probe droid spawns in front of him. He fires on it and misses. The droid PKs him. Han respawns, runs outside and attacks the droid. It PKs him again. This goes on for half an hour until he finally wears the droid down.

Hann runs back into the base and warns the others.

Leah65: Dewdz, we gotta get out of here. With us nerfed the way we are, we can't do anything.

Hann: Kewl, let's go

Cut to Vayderr's ISD

A pair of troopers are looking at a display screen.

Trooperbob: Look, sir, droids.

Commander: You idiot, that's not a droid, it's a shield generator.

Vayderr comes up behind them.

Vayderr: What are you looking at?

Commander: It's nothing, sir.

Trooperbob: Look, sir, droids.

Commander: You goon!

Vayderr: Shut up, let me see.

Vayderr looks at the screen.

Vayderr: Dewdz, that's what we're looking for. What system is that?

Commander: ...second planet...Hoth system, Lord.

Vayderr claps TrooperBob on the back: Good work, trooper.

Vayderr leaves to order the ship into action. After he leaves, the commander repeatedly PKs Trooperbob.

Cut to the rebel base. Alarms are sounding.

Lewkk: Are we ready to fight them?

Hann: Dewd, I'm not fighting them. I got PKed like 20 times by that droid, plus the Falcon's still nerfed.

Lewkk: Ok, dewd, I'll get 'em for you.

Hann: Kewl dewd, I'm gonna go pay off JEbay, then go camp some Jawas or someting til my skillz get back up.

Lewkk: Laterz dewd.

Lewkk climbs into his snowspeeder, his gunner Pimp_Daddy_Dak climbs in behind him.

Lewkk: U ready Dak?

Dak: I'm a pimp dewd, I'm ready for anything.

Lewkk: Kewl. let's do this thing.

Lewkk and Dak, along with the rest of the snowspeeders take off.

Aboard the ISD Vayderr is sitting in his chambers. General Beers comes in and spies Vayderr with his helmet off. Vayderr tries to click on his own helmet in his inventory, but accidentally clicks on a Stormtrooper helmet he looted off a trooper he PKed. Vayderr, being in First Person view, fails to notice his mistake.

Vayderr: What is it, Beers?

Beers: Uh, dewd, we're ready to nail those carebears. They're alerted to our presence, though, Admiral The_Wizard_of_Ozzel thought we could surprise them by coming out of hyperspace really close the them.

Vayderr: That freakin Noob...what are you staring at, Beers?

Beers: Uh, nothing your lordship.

Vayderr: Good. Now get out.

Beers leaves and Vayderr calls up The_Wizard_of_Ozzel on the viewscreen. Unfortunately Ozzel can only see the stormtrooper helmet.

Ozzel: Hey, why are you on Vayderr's private channel, noob?

Vayderr: What are you talking about? Never mind.

Vayderr PKs Ozzel.

Vayderr: You screwed up dewd. Captain Peanut?

Peanut: Yeah dewd?

Vayderr: You're the big dawg now. Don't screw it up, Admiral Peanut.

Peanut: Dewd, if I'm admiral can I get some new lewt-

Vayderr: Shut up and just do it.

Back in the rebel base, the escape is underway.

Leah65: Ok dewdz, listen up. I'm gettin out of here, it's every man for himself, if you die, we'll meet up at the respawn point on dantooine!

The rebels begin a mad dash for their ships.

General General_Raykeen: Hey, babe you want to ride in my ship? If you're real nice, I'll let you drive it.

Leah65: Put your hormones back in your pants dewd.

General General_Raykeen: Ok, then find your own ride.

He rushes out leaving leah65 on her own. She runs for the docking bay but everyone has already taken off and left her behind. Suddenly Hann spawns behind her.

Hann: Friggin ISP. Hey, what are you still doing here?

Leah65: I need a ride! plz plz plz?

Hann: How much lewt you got to trade?

Leah65: I'll trade you something later, just plz lets get out of here.

Hann: well-

Suddenly the Falcon's engines roar to life and Hann looks up to see 3peaoh in the cockpit with Wacky.

Hann: HEY GET OUTTA MY SHIP!!

Leia65: Calm down!

The falcon starts to take off, Hann runs for the ship.

Hann: I don't have time to discuss this with a newbie!

Leah65: I AM NOT A NEWBIE!!

Hann and Leah65 just manage to catch the ship as it takes off.

Hann: What the heck are you thinking, trying to leave us behind.

Wacky: ROOAR

Hann: I went LD Dewd, it wasn't my fault!

Cut to the ice plains outside the base. Imperial Walkers are converging on the base. Snowspeeders are leaving the base to engage them.

Lewkk flies by one and Dak fires. The walkers don't seem to suffer any damage.

Lewkk: I think the speeders have been nerfed too. Hey, I always wante to try that tow cable thing, and since the rest of the weapons are nerfed, might as well try it now.

Pimp_Daddy_Dak: Letz do it dewd.

Lewkk flies towards the walker's leg, but a sudden packet of lag causes him to get hit by the walker's weapons. The speeder crashes to the ground.

Lewkk: Dewd, u alright?

Dak doesn't answer. Lewkk sees a walker headed for the speeder.

Lewkk climbs out of the speeder, then climbs back to the gunner's seat and loots Dak's corpse. He dives out of the way just before the walker crushes the speeder.

Lewkk looks up and sees Red_Leader_Maul's speeder using the tow cable maneuver on a walker. He contacts him via the comlink.

Lewkk: U stole my idea.

Red_Leader_Maul: Dewd, bite me.

Lewkk: Stealer. I'll get u. U won't even c me coming.

Red_Leader_Maul: Any time dewd.

Lewkk: But right now I'm gonna kill one of these critters and see what they drop.

Lewkk fires a cable and climbs up to the walker's entry hatch, cuts it open with his LS and tosses in a grenade.

Lewkk: Now, which one of these was the hotkey to detach the cable?

Lewkk tries several hotkeys but can't find the right one. He does however manage to perform 12 different emotes, remove his pants, and drop half his inventory on the ground below.

The greande goes off, destroying the walker, and blowing Lewkk all the way back to the bacta tank in the base.

Lewkk: Crud. I gotta get out of here.

Cut to the Falcon. Hann has managed to force 3peaoh out of the driver's seat. Out of the cockpit window we see the front doors blow open. Vayderr and dozens of snowtrooper burst in.

Hann: Hey, who's Darth_Stormtrooper over there?

Hann points to vayderrr, who is still wearing the stormtrooper helmet.

Leah65: I dunno, must be some kind of new "Supertrooper" in the new expansion. Blast it and see what it drops.

Hann tries to kill the "Supertrooper" but can't hit it.

3peaoh: Dewd, forget it. It's like 2 to 1 odds or something that you'll hit it.

Hann follows his advice and takes off.

Cut to the rear of the base.

Lewkk races for his X-Wing. When he gets there RRRtoo is already in it. RRRtoo has managed to land the X-Wing on its back, and is opening and closing the S foils in an attempt to make a Snow Angel.

Lewkk: Quit messin around dewd, we gotta get out of here.

Behind him, the falcon streaks off into the sky, half a dozen stormtroopers hanging from its landing gear.

Lewkk climbs into his ship and takes off. Once in space he buzzes Hann on the comlink.

Lewkk: Dewd, u ok?

Hann: Yeah dewd. I got her noobfulness with me...I'm goin to see if I can sell her to JEbay.

Leah65: Shut up, geek. Try taking a shower today, maybe it'll improve your disposition.

Hann: I can't. I didn't pay the water bill and they shut it off.

Lewkk: I'll meet you guys later.

Hann: Ok dewd

RRRtoo: Beep.

Lewkk: No way, I'm not hooking up with those lozers. We're going to Dagobah to gettwinked and buffed, dewd.

Lewkk takes off for Dagobah.

The falcon tries to head for Tatooine, flying right between a pair of ISDs.

Hann: Ok, letz get out of here.

He tries to activate the hyperdrive, but nothing happens.

Hann: AAAAAHHH THEY NERFED THE HYPERDRIVE!!

Leah65: Dewd, we gotta get out of here, do something.

Hann: Oh sure, now you want my help. Say "Hann, you rool." and maybe I'll help u.

Leah65: No way dewd.

3peaoh: Just say it!!

Wacky: ROOAR

Leah65: Fine! Hann you Rool. There, satisfied?

Hann: Sat "Hann I want your bod"

Leah65: DEWD JUST GET US OUT OF HERE B4 I PK U!!

Hann: Woah calm down. Fine, fine.

Hann flies the ship into an asteroid field.

Leah65: OMG, you are such a lozer. Just because I wouldn't say I wanted you, you're gonna kill us all.

Hann: Shut up, I know what I'm doing.

3peaoh: Dude, we got like a 10 to 1 chance of being killed in here.

Hann: Never tell me the odds, noob.

Han flies in and out of the asteroids.

Hann: I knew all those years of Microsoft flight sim would come in handy.

Cut to Vayderr's ISD.

Vayderr: Why does everyone keep staring at me? Cut it out!

Peanut: Dewd, the noobs just flew into an asteroid field.

Vayderr: Follow them

Peanut: What?

Vayderr: READ MY LIPS!! FOLLOW THEM IN!!

Peanut: What?

Vayderr starts to force choke peanut.

Vayderr: Say what again! Say what one more time!! I dare you!! I double dare you!!

Peanut: Ok dewd ok.

Peanut flies the ISD into the asteroid field.

The ISD and TIEs chase the falcon through the asteroids for several minutes. Finally the falcon gets a lead.

Hann: Wacky, go closer into one of the big ones.

Leah65: You must be as stupid as you look.

Hann: No way, I got a plan.

Wacky pilots the ship near an asteroid, and it flies into a small cave.Cut to the ISD.

Peanut comes up to Vayderr.

Peanut: Dewd, the Emperor called. He wants you to call him back.

Vayderr: Why didn't he just use the comlink?

Peanut: He said he's at school, and the elementary school still has 14.4 modems. The asteroids cause too much lag, even over the comlink.

Vayderr: Ok, get out of here.

Peanut: Good deal.

Vayderr makes his way to the communications room and contacts the Emperor.

A hologram of the Emperor appears before him.

Vayderr: Yes? I'm kind of busy.

Emperor: I'll tell you what you are and aren't, dewd-- Hey, why the heck are you wearing a stormtrooper hemet???

Vayderr: What??

Vayderr switches to 3rd person view.

Vayderr: ARRRGGGHHH!!! I HATE FIRST PERSON VIEW. I've been walking around half the movie looking like an idiot!

Emperor: Nevermind. Listen up, my teacher's gonna get back in a minute, I gotta hurry.

Vayderr: Yes, my Lord.

Emperor: Did you kill that carebear Lewkk?

Vayderr: I think maybe we should get him to join our club, dewd.

Emperor: What did you just say?

Vayderr: I said we should get get him to join the....oops.

Emperor: Now I'm gonna have to remind you of the rules.

Vayderr: Please don't, not again.

Emperor: The first rule of Sith club is: You don't talk about sith club

The second rule of Sith club is: YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT SITH CLUB!!!

The third rule of sith club is: Kill all Merchants.

The fourth rule is: only TWO sith at a time.

The fifth rule is: Never trade first

The sixth rule is: No disintegration

The seventh rule is: If this is your first day in Sith club, you have to PK a newbie.

Understand??

Vayderr: Yes

Emperor: Good. I want to PK that noob myself. Bring him to me.

Vayderr: Yes, my lord.

Emperor: Ok, I gotta go, it's time for recess.

The Emperor logs off

Open on Lewkk's X-Wing flying over Dagobah.

Lewkk: RRRtoo, I'm getting massive life form readings...there's something alive down there.

RRRtoo: Beep.

Lewkk: Well, just set the X-wing as your bind point.

Lewkk cruises down into the atmosphere. Fog covers the place, and Lewkk is blinded. Suddenly another X-wing cuts across his field of vision, almost crashing into him.

Lewkk: That was close. I thought this place was supposed to be deserted.

RRRtoo: Beep

Lewkk cruises down to the surface. He spots a pile of crashed X-wings in a small pond and lands on top of them. Then he climbs out and peers into the swamp. There is a line of people stretching for hundreds of miles into the swamp. He quickly scans the names of the people in line; xXKypXx, ~Coran~, *CorrnHorn*, %KeiranCornHorn%, Coran_Is_God, I_Jedi_Corran, Kyller_Kyp, Corran_Roxxors....

Lewkk calls out to the guy at the end of the line.

Lewkk: Hey, what's the line for?

MastaJedeye: You noob, this is the line for Yodewd. You better get in while the gettin's good.

Lewkk: I'm not a newbie! Be careful or I'll PK your butt all the way to Coruscant.

Behind Lewkk another X-wing lands on top of his, then another.

Lewkk: Hey! Get offa my ship!

MastaJedeye: Dewd, don't worry about it, you won't need it, you'll be in this line forever.

Lewkk goes and gets into the line.

Lewkk: This freakin suxxors dewd.

MastaJedeye: Yeah Dewd. I'm thinkin about bein a bounty hunter. I hate this waitin around junk.

Lewkk: Dewd, I always wanted to be a bounty hunter. But Ewan said I could get twinked and buffed by Yodewd and kill Vayderr. Then Jedi wouldn't be nerfed anymore.

MastaJedi: Dewd, let's take cuts. I heard there's a secret way in through the back. I didn't have anyone to hold my place in line though, so I didn't want to do it. But you can have your droid keep our place.

Lewkk: Kewl dewd. Let's ditch these lozers.

Lewkk and MastaJedi sneak off into the swamp to find the secret entrance toYodewd's hut.

Cut to the Falcon, hiding in an asteroid cave.

Hann: We gotta figure out something to do here, or we're gonna get PKed before we ever get a chance to get un-nerfed.

Leah65: Well, it's your ship...so fix it.

Hann: Maybe we can try to make a working hyperdrive out of the parts they didn't nerf...

3peaoh: Dewd, I was just reading at the SWVault...the only part of the falcon they didn't nerf is the holochess set.

Wacky: ROOAR

Hann: Beautiful! Great idea Wacky. Take the chessmaster here into the back and get started.

Wacky and 3peaoh retreat to the rear of the ship.

Leah65: Do you really think that's going to work?

Hann: Better than nothing. Hey, let's u n me get to know each other.

Leah65: Forget it, no way. I'm not that desperate.

Hann: Come on, you know u like me.

Leah65: Well, maybe I did a little...but you're a...

Hann: A what?

Leah65: A...a...JEbay farmer!!

Hann: A JEbay farmer? Hey, I like the sound of that!

Leah65: But it's so...slimy...

Hann: Tell you what, give me a kiss, and I'll get you your own ISD from JEbay when I get rich.

Leah65: Rilly? Kewl.

Hann and Leah65 kiss.

3peaoh comes barging in.

3peaoh: Woah!! Hann and Leah65 sittin in a tree...

Hann: What do u want?

3peaoh: Wacky says we're ready to go. Oh, and something's spawning outside the ship.

Hann: Well, let's go see what it drops.

Hann, Leah65 and Wackytabaccy all get out of the ship. They creep around, spy some minocs and blast them. Wacky loots the corpses.

Hann: They got ne good loot?

Wacky: ROOAR

Hann: Figures. Oh well, let's go.

Suddenly the ground shakes beneath them.

Hann: Uh oh, run!

They all run back into the ship.

Leah65: This had better work!

Hann and Wacky run to the front while 3peaoh runs down to the engine compartment. He and Wacky have hooked up an exercise wheel to the hyperdrive, and standing in the wheel are all the holochess dudes.

3peaoh: Ok, run chess dewds!

PointyHeadChessDewd: Man, this job suxxors

BurlyChessDewd: Just run, he said we'd get a cookie.

The chess dewds start running, making the wheel spin and sending power to the Falcon which takes off and flies out of the cave, just narrowly missing being eaten by the gigantic cave monster that they were really inside.

Cut to the bridge of Vayderr's ISD. Vayderr and several imperials and troopers are standing about.

Lined up along the bridge are 6 figures, all dressed in identical Mandalorian Armor. They are: Bozo_Fett, Darth_Fett, Bobo_Feet, Phat_Daddy_Bobba, The_Master_Fettster, and Bobba_Phett99.

TrooperBob: Look, sir, Droids.

Commander slaps Bob in the back of the head.

Commander: Those aren't droids, you idiot, they're bounty hunters.

Vayderr: Alright, dewdz. I want you to capture Sulu and the Rest of them. And remember No Disintegration.

All the bounty hunters in unison: As you wish.

Cut to Dagobah. Lewkk and MastaJedeye are searching the swamp for the secret entrance to Yodewd's hut.

Lewkk: Are you sure it's back this way, Dewd.

MastaJedeye: Yah dewd, I read it at SWStratics in the "How to be a Jedi" Guide.

Lewkk and MastaJedeye keep searching. Several hours later they still haven't found it.

Lewkk: Forget it, this freakin suxxors. I'm rerolling!

MastaJedeye: Dewd, don't be a Wuss.

Lewkk: That's it Dewd. I'm PKing you for dragging me back here.

Lewkk draws his saber.

MastaJedeye: ahh, I cannot twink him.

Ewan-Wan: Chill Yodewd, he's cool.

Lewkk: Ewan?? Yodewd? Ewan, I can be a Jedi, tell him! I got MAD Jedi Skillz!!

Yodewd: mad skillz have you, hah! A long time have I watched this one, always looking for the lewt was he. Never his mind on using his buffs, never appreciating his twinks.

Ewan: Dewd, that's how I used to be. Before I got PKed and turned into a ghost at least.

Ewan's ghost appears.

Lewkk: Yodewd, come on plz plz plz?!? Make me a Jedi!!

Yodewd: Too much of a newb is he. Yes, too much of a newbie. Back you will come when you're all grown up.

Lewkk: But I can be a Jedi! Dewd, I can make it, I ain't afraid of nothin!

Yodewd: u will b, u will b

cut to the Falcon, racing out of the asteroid field, heading for the ISD.

Peanut: They're gonna ram us...what a moron!

The Falcom heads towards the ISD, then suddenly disappears. A few minutes later the ISD takes off. The Falcon then logs back on.

Hann: Told ya it'd work.

Leah65: U got lucky. Hey, wanna make out?

Hann: Later babe. We gotta find somewhere to go...hmm...

Hann: I'm reading my strategy guide...this is kewl...Landus.

Leah65: Landus? What kinda name is that?

Hann: It's a dewd I used to know on EQ. You'll like him, he's a JEbay farmer too.

Leah65: Kewl, is he cute?

Hann: Hey, I'm a guy, how would I know?

The falcon takes off, powered by the holochess men, to go see Landus.

As they do, another ship, the o0-Slayve~4654-0o logs in. Piloted by Bozo_Fett. It takes off after the Falcon.

Open on Dagobah. Lewwk is running through the swamp with Yodewd on his back.

Yodewd: Run Lewkk Run! A Jedi's strength flows from his buffs. But beware...in time, off will they wear.

Lewkk: Am I helpless without my buffs?

Yodewd: No...only when fighting any creatures worth your time will you need buffs. To kill weak creatures that give you no XP, buffs you will not need.

Lewkk: How do I know when my buffs have worn off.

Yodewd: When you are fighting a strong critter, and find yourself suddenly at your bind point, you will know your buffs have worn off, and PKed have been you.

Lewkk: But why...

Yodewd: No, there is no why. No more questions. Your head you will empty. Difficult for you that will not be.

Lewkk sits down.

Lewkk: There's something not right here...I'm getting a bunch of lag.

Yodewd points at an area in the swamp.

Yodewd: The power of the PKers is strong there.

Lewkk gets up to go investigate.

Yodewd: Your lewt, you will not need it.

Lewkk: Yeah, right, you think I'm gonna leave my lewt here with you?

Yodewd: Say I did not try, you cannot

Lewkk goes off into the swamp. As he walks along, he suddenly falls into a hole.

Lewkk: Hey!

Lewkk spends several minutes trying to get out of the hole, to no avail. Finally, in desperation, he pages a guide. As the Empire has taken over the guide program, it is Vayderr that answers the call.

Vayderr: Ahh, Skywalker. Looks like you're in a hole. Sux 2 be u.

Lewkk: Come on dewd, I can't get out.

Vayderr: I'll be right there.

Vayderr appears in the hole next to Lewkk.

Lewkk tries to resist the temptation of Vayderr's phat lewt, but can not.

Lewkk: Sorry dewd, but I need your Lewt!

Lewkk whips out his lightsaber and PKs Vayderr.

Lewkk calls Vayderr on the comlink

Lewkk: I 0wned joo Noob.

Vayderr: You idiot, all my lewt is no drop.

Yodewd appears at the edge of the hole.

Yodewd: Failed you have. Given into the temptation for Phat Lewt have you.

Yodewd lifts Lewkk out of the hole.

Yodewd: For your failure, your butt I will kick.

Yodewd PKs Lewkk.

Cut to the Falcon cruising into cloud city.

Hann: Dewdz, let us land.

A cloud car cruises by, driven by 2 male chiss.

BespinThrawn: Pull it over to Landing platform 327 noob.

Hann lands.

At the far end of the platform, the doors open, and out walks Landus_Maximus, followed by several Bespin guards and Gobot.

Hann: Hey...Landus...Maximus?

Landus: Dewd, Gladiator Roxxors! I am Landus Maximus, and I shall have my revenge in this lifetime or the next!!

Landus draws a blaster and PKs Hann, who respawns on the falcon and comes back out.

Hann: You stinkin Noob, do you know how many times I been killed already today??

Landus: Dewd, take a pill. Who's the hottie!

Landus goes over to Leah65 and begins doing the *kiss* emote in her direction.

Leah65: Cut it out noob!

Landus: Ahh forget it. Hey,come in and take a look at my place.

They go into the city.

Hann: Dewd, how'd you get a place like this?

Landus: I sold all my stuff from EQ to JEbay the Hutt, then bought this place from him.

Hann: Dewd, I've been playing for like a movie and a half.

Landus: I've been playing for about 15 minutes. Oh well, come on, I got a room all picked out for you.

As they walk by, a door opens up and a protocol droid, Sea3peaohbaby steps out in front of 3peaoh.

3peaoh: Dewd, wuzup?

Ohbaby: E Chu ta

3peaoh: Dewd, I know what that means. I can PK you, dewd.

Ohbaby shoves 3peaoh into the room he just came out of and runs away.

3peaoh turns around and spots 2 familiar figures

TrooperBob: Look, sir, Droids.

The Commander blows 3peaoh right out of his metal coverings.

Commander: For once you were right, now let's get rid of this thing.

Cut to outside Coud city. Lewkk is flying his X-Wing towards a landing platform. A Cloud car cruises by.

RRRtoo: Beep.

Lewkk: No, Dewd, I don't want to see what it drops...I'm resisting the phat lewt.

Cut to the Carbon Chamber. Hann is tied up and on the platform.

Vayderr: Ok everyone ready?

Landus: Yeah dewd, let's do it.

Wacky suddenly tries to break free. He knocks several troopers down and sends one flying over the edge.

Bozo raises his gun to fire, but Vayderr stops him.

Vayderr: Dewd, you'll hit 3peaoh, do you know how long it took me to-

3peaoh: Dewd! Is that you? Dewd, come on, help us Master An-

Vayderr uses the force to turn 3peaoh off.

Hann: Wacky, dewd, forget it, you'll just get PKed...

Wacky: ROOAR

Hann: Dewd, I don't care about me, just give my ship to my mule after this!

Leah65: Can we get this done some time today, plz?

Vayderr: Ok...Startin upa the carbona freeza!

Hann begins to descend into the chamber

Leah65: Dewd, don't forget, u still owe me an ISD!

Hann: I know.

Hann gets lowered into the chamber and Landus fires it up. A minute later he comes out encased in carbonite.

3peaoh: Dewd! He looks just like a big popsicle.

Leah65: LOL Kewl, trekkie on a stick.

Leah65 leans down over Hann.

Vayderr: Dewd, you can't loot him, he's not a corpse.

Leah65: Oh, that suxxors.

Bozo: I gotta get goin dewd, JEbay keeps PMing me. and my mom needs the phone.

Vayderr: Ok. You two troopers take the popsicle here to Bozo's ship. Landus, bring the girl to my ship. Do whatever you want with the wookie.

Landus: Dewd! I was supposed to get the chick.

Vayderr: You idiot, don't u know the bad boys always get the chicks? And I'm way badder than you.

Landus: You suxxors.

Vayderr force chokes Landus.

Vayderr: Listen, you JEbay buying noob. Do what I tell you or I'm gonna PK you all the way back to EQ, understand?

Landus: Dewd, it's kewl, I was just kiddin.

The troopers and Bozo take Hann away, and Lands' group follows them out of the chamber. As they travel down the hall, several shots fire out from behind a corner.

Lewkk: Ok, you're all surrounded! Throw out your weapons.

A hail of blaster fire descends on Lewkk's position.

Lewkk: Well, got any other bright ideas?

RRRtoo: Beep.

Landus' group and Bozo's group split up. Lewkk chases Landus' group down the hall.

Lewkk: Hey, bring my GF back here dewd!

Lewkk starts to chase, but then remembers to stop and buff. 30 minutes later, he finishes, and races to catch up with the others.

The other group has almost reached Vayderr's ship.

Landus looks at Leah65

Landus: Did u rilly go out with that geek? What's wrong with me then??

Leah65: That was b4 I met Hann. Well, not really, but it was b4 I liked Hann.

Landus: Well, now you can like me too, plz plz plz. U r such a hottie!

Leah65: well, maybe if we get out of this...

Down the hall, Lewkk has gotten lost.

Lewkk: These stoopid walls all look the same.

Lewkk gets into the elevator and takes it up. He gets off at the carbon chamber a few moments later.

Vayderr is standing there...Lewkk approaches slowly and ignites his saber. Vayderr doesn't respond.

Lewkk: Yo, was up?? U there?

Vayderr's saber suddenly comes to life.

Vayderr: Woah, dewd, sorry. Was afk.

Lewkk: Kewl. U want to duel?

Vayderr: Dewd, let's not fight. How about u come meet the Emperor, and u can join sith club.

Lewkk: What's sith club.

Vayderr: Well, u get powerleveled, and u get lots of phat lewt. Plus we go on hunts together.

Lewkk: Where u hunt at?

Vayderr: Where the newbies spawn, or the newbie hunting areas.

Lewkk: Don't u like a challenge?

Vayderr: No way dewd, I like to kill, but I don't, you know, want to like die!

Lewkk: Well, I'm not going for phat lewt anymore.

Vayderr: U don't like our guild? Well, then its PK time for u.

Vayderr and Lewkk start to fight. Vayderr forces Lewkk backwards, and he falls into the chamber.

Vayderr: I 0wned joo noob.

Vayderr activates the chamber. Gas pours out of it. He looks in but it's empty. He turns around and looks for Lewkk.

Inside the chamber, Lewkk logs back on, then climbs out. He hit Vayderr from behind with his LS.

Vayderr: Dewd!! You cheat!

Lewkk: Dang dewd, how many HPs u got? U should be dead.

Vayderr: Dewd, I'm so buffed, u can't even come close to hurting me. Say hello to your bind point for me.

Vayderr leaps at Lewkk, but suddenly lags. Lewkk gets out of the way and Vayderr goes flying over the edge.

Lewkk: That suxxors, now I gotta go all the way down there to lewt his corpse.

Cut to Landus' group.

Landus stops suddenly. His guards and the imperials look at him. Gobot sneaks up behind them.

Landus kneels down and wipes up some dirt off the floor and rubs it in his hands.

Imperial: What r u doing?

Landus: I am Landus_Maximus, and I shall have my revenge in this lifetime or the next!

Gobot: Go go gobots!!

Landus and his guards PK the imperials.

Landus: Will u be my GF now?

Wacky PKs Landus.

Leah65: Idiot! now how r we supposed to get out of here??

3peaoh: I just called Landus on the comlink. He told us to meet him at Bozo's ship.

Leah65: Ok kewl.

They run down the hall. RRRtoo whells up behind them

3peaoh: Dude! Where u been?

RRRtoo: Beep.

3peaoh: Dewd, u think u got it bad, look at me! I gotta ride around in this backpack with like 30 Jawa heads!

Wacky: ROOAR

3peaoh: I don't care how many credits they sell for, they freakin stink, dewd!

Cut to the interior of cloud city. Lewkk is looking for Vayderr's corpse.

Vayderr steps out from beind Lewkk and swings. Lewkk ducks and rolls away.

Lewkk: U missed Lozer.

Lewkk suddenly starts to feel strange.

Lewkk: Oh crud, my buffs just wore off!

Suddenly Lewkk is smacked in the back of the head by a crate.

Lewkk: Dewd, no, wait, let me buff dewd!! Dewd, I got no buffs!!!!

Vayderr: O well Noob.

Vayderr picks up a box with the force and smashes it into Lewkk, sending him out the window.

Vayderr jumps out after him, where Lewkk is waiting. They fight for several minutes. Then Vayderr cuts off Lewk's Hand.

Lewkk: DEWD!!! You scumbag!! That was my freakin HAND!!!

Vayderr: Now, join me or die!

Lewkk: No way dewd, I'd rather be a JEbay farmer than join your stupid sith club.

Lewkk crawls out as far as he can on the platform.

Vayderr: Dewd, Ewan-Wan never told you what happened to your father, did he?

Lewkk: He told me enough, he told me you banned him!!

Vayderr: No, Yodewd is your father!!!!

Lewkk: NOOOOO!! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!! That slimy little green-

Vayderr: LOL, Dewd, no, I was just messin with ya. Actually dewd, I am your father!!!

Lewkk: Dewd, I don't care, you cut off my freakin hand MAN!!!! MY FREAKIN HAND!!!! Thanks a lot DAD!!!!

Vayderr: Lewkk, you don't know the power of the phat lewt. Join me, and together we'll destroy the emporer and loot his corpse.

Lewkk: No way DAD! I'll never join u!!

Lewkk jumps off the platform.

Lewkk: Cyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Cut to the landing platform where Bozo is loading Hann onto his ship.

Bozo: I don't care, just jam him in there anywhere.

Bozo gets onboard and fires up the engines. The door to the platform opens and Leah65, Landus, Wacky and RRRtoo come out, firing at the ship. Bozo gives them the "Bird" emote and takes off.

Landus: Dewds, lets get to the Falcon, we can still catch them.

The group races for the falcon.

Cut to the bottom of the air shaft.

Lewkk is wandering down the tube, when the floor opens underneath him, dropping him down to the weather vane.

Lewkk: Ok, that's it, I've had it. As soon as I get out of here, I'm selling this account to JEbay and going to play the freaking Barney MMORPG.

Cut to the falcon, taking off.

Leah65: Wait, I just got a call from Lewkk on the comlink, fly under the city.

Landus: No way, I'm gettin out of here. U know how much we can sell this ship to Jebay for?

Wacky: ROOAR

Landus: Ok, dewd, chill.

The ship flies under the city. Lewkk drops on top of it, then walks around to the entry ramp and gets in.

Lewkk: Let's get out of here.

Cut to Vayderr's ISD.

Vayderr: Peanut, you broke the hyperdrive for the falcon, right?

Peanut: Yeah dewd, check it out...

Peanut opens his bag, inside are all the holochess guys.

PointyHeadChessGuy: Dewd, where's our freakin cookie?!?

Peanut: Shut up dewd.

Vayderr: Good. When we catch up to them, blow them out of the sky.

Peanut: No problemo dewd.

Vayderr leaves.

Peanut: Hey, u guys want to play some chess later?

BurlyHoloChessGuy: You noob, we'd kick ur butt.

PointyHead: Yeah, and what kind of name is Peanut, anyhow? is that the size of-

Peanut PKs the holochess guys.

Peanut: Ha, I 0wned joo noobs.

Cut to the falcon

Leah65: Dewd, they're gonna catch us.

3peaoh: Hey, someone stole the holochess dewds, we got no hyperdrive!

Landus: We're all gonna DIE!!!

Suddenly the holochess guys respawn.

3peaoh: Dewds!!! let's go!

Burly: Dewd, no way, not til we get our cookie.

RRRtoo extends his attachment and shocks the holochess dudes, who immediately start to run. The hyperdrive fires up, and the Falcon streaks off into the distance.

Cut to Vayderr's ISD.

Peanut: Uh oh.

Cut to the Medical Frigate.

The medical droid is putting Lewkk's hand on.

Lewkk: Dewd, can't I gat like a claw or a hook or something kewl like that??

Leah65: We got enough pirates around here already dewd.

Landus comes over the comlink.

Landus: Dewd..we're ready to go.

Lewkk: Alright doodz. I'm gonna go finish the Jedi quests, then I'll mett u on Tattoine after I install the next expansion.

Leah65: What's the next one called anyhow?

Wacky: ROOAR

Lewkk: What kind of name is that? Oh well, all I can say is it better not have any more nerfs in it. C u guys l8tr.

Landus: Laterz dewd.

Lewkk, Leah65, 3peaoh and RRRtoo get up and watch the Falcon take off.

Lewkk: Sweet graphics dewd.

Leah65: Yeah dewd...wanna make out??

The end

User avatar
Belecthor
Posts: 33
Joined: Sun Jul 21, 2019 4:27 am

Re: Lewt Warz

Post by Belecthor » Sun Jul 28, 2019 2:57 am

A long time ago on a server far, far away...

Lewt Warz

Episode VI: Return of the Carebears.

Lewkk Skyhackrrr has returned to his bind point on Tattoine, to camp the vile gangster, JEbay the Hutt.

Little does Lewkk know that the PK Empire has begun construction of a second UP star, even more powerful than the first Dreaded UP Star.

When completed, not only will this weapon make everyone's PVP switch stuck to "on", it will also institute Permadeath throughout the galaxy.

Open on the interior of Vayderr's personal shuttle.

Shuttle captain: Command station this is ST 321, the password is: Rumplestiltskin.

UP star controller: Kewl dewd, let me check that. Alrighty, you're all clear, bringina down the shieldsa!

Cut to the UP star landing bay. Vayderr's shuttle cruises in for a landing. Moff Jurgenhoff greets the Sith club vice-persident as he exits the shuttle.

Vayderr: Dewd, this place is a pit. The Emperor's gonna tear you a new one when he finds out.

Jurgenhoff: Dewd, we're doing it as fast as we can. Most of our workers are in college and its finals week.

Vayderr: You can explain that to the Emperor when he get here, dewd.

Jurgenhoff: The Emperor's coming here?? No way!

Vayderr: Way! Now get busy.

Jurgenhoff: Dewd, we're all over it!

Vayderr heads for the interior of the UP star.

Jurgenhoff: Hmm, I wonder how much a Moff in command of the UP star will sell for to JEbay...

Cut to the surface of Tattoine. 3peaoh and RRRtoo are making their way towards JEbay's palace.

3peaoh: Dewd, Why did we have to come back here, you know I hate this freakin place.

RRRtoo: Beep.

3peaoh: Yeah, if it was Boonta eve that would be one thing, but it ain't

The two droids reach the palace, which is made of solid gold. 3peaoh knocks on the door.

3peaoh: Well, nobody home, let's go. There's a place up the road that has all kinds of twilek chicks-

A mechanical eyeball pokes out of the door.

Eye: Tee chuta hhat yudd

3peaoh: What?

Eye: Tee chuta hhat yudd

3peaoh: Huh? I don't get it...speak slower

Eye Tee chuta hhat yudd!!

3peaoh: No habla, you speakana basic?

Eye: TEE CHUTA HHAT YUDD!!

3peaoh: DO....YOU...SPEAK...BASIC??

Eye: Oh, for crying out loud, just get inside!

The door opens and the droids enter.

RRRtoo: Beep.

3peaoh: Dewd, it's not my fault, that language must be from a new update or something.

The droids walk down the hallway. A Gammorean Guard falls in behind them.

3peaoh: Keep your distance, porky.

Ahead of them, Bib_The_Tuna steps out of the shadows.

Bib: Die wanna wanga!

3peaoh: No, I don't wanna wanga. I wanna see JEbay.

Bib: JEbay no badda.

3peaoh: Umm...we got some phat lewt for him.

Bib: Stoop noobie.

3peaoh: E Chu ta

Bib leads the droids down the hall to JEbay's chamber.

The throne room is filled with shouts and cries. People and aliens wave fists full of money in the air. The giant sluglike JEbay presides over all, with Bozo_Fett at his side.

JEbay: Going once, going twice, SOLD! to the accountant from Idaho.

Several droids wheel out an ISD.

Accountant: Is the combat here flight-sim or skill based? Well, nevermind, I'll figure it out.

JEbay: Enjoy your purchase sir!

The accountant stuffs the ISD into his backpack.

Accountant: R there save points in this game?

Bozo_Fett: Read the FAQ noob!

The accountant hurries away.

JEbay: And the next item up for bid...the planet Coruscant!! Gain total control of all players on this lovely capital planet, bidding begins at just one million RL dollars!!

Bib steps up to JEbay and whispers in his ear.

JEbay: What, dewd, you know you aren't supposed to let anyone in here. Well, since they're here let's and see what they drop.

3peaoh: Dewd, don't, we've got a message for you.

RRRtoo: Beep.

JEbay: Well, let's see it.

RRRtoo begins to play a message. A hologram of Lewkk appears...

Lewkk: Dear Leah65 I love you so much, I want to kiss you all over, I want to-

3peaoh: You goon! That's the wrong message!

RRRtoo: Beep.

RRRtoo begins to play another message

Lewkk: Heya JEbay, I just wanted to let u know I'm a Jedi now. I'll be coming to camp you pretty soon. If you give me some lewt, maybe I'll let you live. Oh, and can I get Hann back? I'll trade these 2 droids and a used X-wing for him.

JEbay: Jedi! What a noob. No way am I giving up my Hannsicle.

On the wall opposite JEbay we see Sulu, frozen in carbonite and hung on the wall. A sign placed in front of him reads "How many licks does it take to get to get to the center of a Sulu pop? Try it and see, 1 credit per lick." A smaller sign says "Licks to date: 2000"

3peaoh: Dewd, can I try a lick?

JEbay: No way dewd, all ur credits are mine anyhow since I own joo. Take them down below, we'll auction them off later.

3peaoh: This suxxors.

Later that day, in JEbay's throne room.

Many players are crowding around as JEbay prepares to auction off 3peaoh.

JEbay: Ok! Next up we have a lovely golden protocol droid!

3peaoh: Dewd, plz don't do this, I don't wanna belong to a JEbay newb!

Bozo_Fett: I'll bid a penny! Haw haw!

3peaoh: E CHU TA!

~xSith_Lord_Thrawnx~: Dewd, skip this, get to the lightsabers!!

~Marra_Hornnn~: Yeah, dewd auction the map to the Jedi training masters!

~Ooh_La_La~: Come on, auction something good!

JEBay: Hey, shut up all of you!! I'll auction what I wanna!

JEbay flips a switch and ~Ooh_La_La~ is dropped through a trapdoor to be PKed by the Rancor.

JEbay: Ok...now, WHO WANTS A PROTOCOL DROID?!?!?

Suddenly there is a huge uproar as a mysterious bounty hunter leads WackyTabacky into the Throne room.

Leah65: My name is Boushh.

JEbay: Uhh, no it isn't...I can see when you talk, it's Leah65. Plus if I click on you, it's right over your head.

In the rear of the palace, Landus_Maximus, cleverly disguised as a dancing girl, keeps his mouth shut.

Leah65: Dang it! I knew this idea suxxored! Catch!!

Leah65 throws a thermal detonator at JEbay, who screams like a little girl and ducks. She runs over and quickly frees Hann from the carbonite!

Hann: Dewd, who are u?

Leah65: Someone that you owe and ISD to. Plus I wanna make out some more.

Hann: Kewl

3peaoh: Hey, this thermal detonator's not working. I think you failed your skill check Leah65!

Leah65: That sux!

Bozo and several gammorean guards take Hann, Leah65 and Wackytabacky into custody

Cut to the hallway of JEbay's palace. Lewkk is walking down the hall to JEbay's throne room, where he is stopped by two Gammorean guards. Lewkk whips out his LS and PKs them.

Lewkk: Hah, Jedis own!

Bib_The_Tuna steps out.

Lewkk: I must speak with JEbay.

Bib: No no. JEbay busy now. No tickee no washee.

Lewkk uses the Jedi mind trick on Bib.

Lewkk: Say "I'm a lozer"

Bib: I'm a lozer.

Lewkk: Say "I like to watch Walker:Texas Ranger"

Bib: I like to watch "Walker:Texas Ranger"

Lewkk: Kewl, take me to JEbay.

Bib leads Lewkk to the throne room. JEbay is still trying to auction off 3peaoh.

JEbay: And if you bid on the droid, I'll throw in THIS!

Some guards bring out Slave Leah65. The response of bids is so intense that the server crashes.

17 weeks later, the server is reset and the auction continues...

JEbay: Ok, let's try this again...

Lewkk logs back in.

JEbay: Ooh, so the big bad Jedi has come to rescue his friends.

Lewkk: Oh is this where they went? Actually I just came to camp you.

JEbay: Dewd, you're so PKed it's not even funny.

3peaoh: Dewd, I can't believe u gave us to JEbay!

Lewkk: Dewd, sorry. I was gonna trade up.

JEbay: Say hi to your bind point, farm boy.

Lewkk tries to use the Mind Trick on Jebay..

Lewkk: Say "I am a big newbie"

JEbay: You are a big newbie.

Lewkk: No, no, say "I, JEbay, am a big newbie"

JEbay: You, Lewkk, are a big newbie!

Lewkk: Crud, the mind trick's bugged again!

Lewkk uses the force to call a blaster to his hand, but before he can click on JEbay, he is dropped through the trap door!

JEbay: Hey scooby, here comes a newbie snack!

Cut to the Rancor pit.

Lewkk lands on the floor and rolls under a rock to hide. Peering out from under the rock he sees a pile of credits on the floor, with no one around.

JEbay: Hey, where's the Rancor?

Lewkk crawls out from under the rock. Suddenly a Jawa, Rancors_Mule, spawns in front of him.

Rancors_Mule: JEbay! U IDIOT, I was muling!!

Lewkk quickly kills and loots the Rancors mule, then runs out of the cell.

Rancor logs back in.

Rancor: DEWD! GIMEE ANOTHER CHANCE!!

JEbay: Ahh, forget it. I'm gonna take them to the Bugged pit of sarlac!

Cut to Lewkk and the rest headed for the Bugged pit of the Sarlac aboard a skiff.

Lewkk: what's the bugged pit of Sarlac?

Hann: Dewd, if you go in it, your password starts appearing over your head instead of your name. Then JEbay gets it and sells your account!!

Lewkk: NOOOOOOO!!

Cut to JEbay's sail barge. 3peaoh is walking around checking out the dancing girls. He bumps into RRRtoo.

3peaoh: Dewd, u made it here. Let's go upstairs and watch that noob Lewkk get wasted.

RRRtoo: Beep

3peaoh: Plan, what plan? how come no one ever tells me the plan?!?

Cut to the skiff.

One of JEbay's guards is pushing Lewkk out onto the plank over the pit. Bozo_Fett, Hann, Wacky and dancing girl Landus are on the skiff watching.

JEbay is on his barge, getting ready to copy down Lewkk's PW.

Lewkk: One last chance dewd. Free us or get PKed!

JEbay: Shut up noob- Hey, why is that dancing girl out there? Hey dancing girl, why r u on the skiff?

Landus begins to sweat...then bends down and wipes some dirt from the skiff onto his hands.

Landus: I AM LANDUS_MAXIMUS!! AND I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE IN THIS LIFETIME OR THE NEXT!!

Lewkk: IT'S GO TIME!!

RRRtoo launches Lewkk's lightsaber through the air as Lewkk flips over the guard in front of him. Lewkk catches the saber and ignites it...everyone aboard the skiff laughs as the bright pink blade extends itself.

Lewkk: QUIT LAUGHING DEWDS!!! THEY WERE THE ONLY FOCUSING CRYSTALS I COULD FIND!! U KNOW HOW HARD THOSE THINGS ARE TO GET? THEY ONLY DROP 1 OUT OF EVERY 10,000 WAMPAS U KILL, AND THE COLORS ARE
RANDOM!!! QUIT FREAKING LAUGHING!!!

Bozo_Fett: Hey look, everybody, it's Barbie_The_Jedi! Bwahaha

JEbay: Dewd, I can sell u a pink dress to go with it!! HAW HAW!!

Lewkk goes buck wild, pushes Bozo down with the force and heads straight for JEbay.

Lewkk: DEWD, U R SO PKed!!

Back on the skiff, Landus launches himself at the guard, and they both go sailing over the edge. Landus manages to catch the side of the skiff, but the guard screams and falls into the sarlac.

Landus: Quit screamin, u noob, no one wants ur password anyhow. My Mule's higher level than u!

Hann reaches over the side to help Landus up, but the skiff his hit by a blast from the barge. Hann falls off the edge but manages to hang onto Lanuds' legs.

Wacky: ROOAR

Hann: Bozo_Fett? Where?

on board the skiff, Bozo_Fett is aiming at Lewkk. He seems to be lagged however, because even though he has Lewkk dead in his sights for like ten minutes, he does not fire.

Wacky: ROOAR

Hann: Do it dewd.

Wacky grabs the skiff's controls and turns the crafdt completely upside down, jumping to the barge as he does. Landus and Hann land on what is now the top of the skiff, while Bozo falls into the pit.

Aboard the barge, JEbay is tring to write down Bozo's password while Leah65 PKs him with the chain. A moment after he dies, Leah65 PMs him.

Leah65: I 0wned joo, noob.

Lewkk in the meantime, has PKed most of Jabba's guards, and Wacky Hann and Landus join in to finish off the rest.

A short time later they have completely taken over the barge.

Lewkk: Sweet dewds, we got our own barge now.

Landus: Kewl, let's go get some dancing girls and stuff.

Hann: WE ROXXORS DEWDS!!!!!

Open on the UP star docking bay. Vayderr, at the head of several thousand assembled troops, stands by as the Emperor's shuttle lands. A few moments pass, and the Emperor steps out of the vehicle.

Vayderr: Greetings, my master.

Emporer: U R Supposed to kneel!

Vayderr kneels.

Emperor: Good boy. How long til the UP star is done?

Vayderr: It'll be done on time dewd.

Emperor: U better hope so. I had a spelling test today, and I'm in no mood for screw ups.

The 2 sith walk down the aisle, surveying the assembled troops.

TrooperBob: Look, sir, Droids.

Commander: Fool! SHHH!

Emperor: Did u catch that Noob Lewkk yet?

Vayderr: Almost, he keeps getting lucky.

Emperor: Don't worry, dewd...I've got a plan...listen up.

Cut to Yodewd's hut on Dagobah.

Yodewd and Lewkk are sitting in the hut.

Yodewd: That face you make. A fart did you let?

Lewkk: Uh, no dewd, I was just thinking, doesn't it kind of suck to be small and green?

Yodewd: Suck it does, and hard. But soon this life will I leave behind, and a better place shall I go to.

Lewkk: No way dewd, U can't die!

Yodewd: Hah, Die I shall not. But reborn shall I be.

Lewkk: Where?

Yodewd: Far from this slimy place, that I can tell you.

Lewkk: Dewd, you can't just quit.

Yodewd: When 900 days in a row you have been logged on, quit will you too.

Lewkk: Wait...first I have to ask you something...Hold on, my comlink is buzzing.

Lewkk: Hello?

Vayderr: Hello Lewkk...hey, I know a secret.

Lewkk: What??

Vayderr: If I tell u it won't be a secret...

Lewkk: Come on dewd...plz?

Vayderr: Well, are u sure u want to know?

Lewkk: Dewd, quit teasin!

Vayderr: It's about Leah65

Lewkk: DUDE! Just tell!!

Vayderr: She's a MAN Baby!! HAHAHA!!

Lewkk: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!

Vayderr hangs up.

Lewkk: Yodewd..Vayderr said Leah65 was a man in RL!! Is that true??

Yodewd: A man she is.

Lewkk: No no no no no no no no no no no no

Yodewd: A are you?

Lewkk: Dewd, quit talking about it!!

Yodewd: Nevermind now...it is time for me to go.

Lewkk: Dewd, U R Lying, she can't be a dewd, no way!

Yodewd: There...is...another...

Lewkk: Another what dewd??

Yodewd dies. Lewkk loots his corpse and goes outside.

Ewan: Sorry about your gf dewd.

Lewkk: No, way, she's not M. I'm gonna ask her myself. How much u think I can sell a size extra-small Jedi robe for?

Ewan: Don't know dewd. Vayderr tell you he was your dad?

Lewkk: Yeah, just after he cut off my hand.

Ewan: Suxxors dewd. What r u gonna do about it?

Lewkk: Dewd, I can't deal with that right now, I gotta go talk to Leah65.

Ewan: Ok, dewd. I don't think I'm gonna see you again...I gotta meet Yodewd on the other side.

Lewkk: Well, ok dewd...I guess I'll cya.

Ewan: Yeah dewd...oh, if your dad decides to come back to the light side, tell him he can come with us, if he hurries.

Lewkk: Ok dewd. Adios.

Lewkk climbs into his X-Wing and takes off.

Cut to the rebel fleet. The falcon docks with the HQ frigate. Hann and company disembark and head for the beriefing room.

Hann: Dewd, it was almost my turn with the Krayt Dragon. If this is another drill...

The group enters the briefing room.

Mon_Mutha: We have received word that the UP Star is soon to respawn. However, in order to avoid camping and to keep things under control and fair for everyone, the Live Team has erected an energy shield around it, so only one person can camp it at a time.

Hann: So what are we going to do?

Mon_Mutha: We're going to destroy the energy shield and camp that sucker til the cows come home, of course.

Hann: Kewl, hey wait a sex, I gotta go afk

Leah65: Me 2 brb

Mon_Mutha: Ok, we'll start taking sign ups for the line now...

Landus: Woohoo!! Me first, me first!!

Mon_Mutha: Ok, Landus is up first, who's next?

Everyone quickly signs up.

Hann: Ok, I'm back.

Leah65: Me too...can we get in the line?

Admiral Hackbarr: Sorry dewdz, all full...looks like you're leading the noobie group that's bringing down the shields.

Hann: DEWD!! You guys SUXXOR!!!!

Hackbarr: Sorry dewd. We've got a pre-patch shuttle for you...here's the password... it's "Rumplestiltskin." Go land on the planet and destroy it.

Hann: Just the two of us and a bunch of newbies, that a bunch of-

Wacky: ROOAR

Hann: Thanks dewd.

Leah65: We can take the 3peaoh, too, I guess.

3peaoh: Aww, come on..

Leah65: Quit whining

Lewkk: I'll come too.

Leah65: Lewkk!

Leah65 runs to hug Lewkk

Lewkk: Don't EVEN touch me!!!

Leah65: What's wrong?

Hann: Dewd, don't be a dork.

Lewkk: I'll talk to u after we get down to the planet and can be alone for a second.

Hann: Ok dewdz, well let's go.

Cut to the Emperor's throne room on board the UP star.

Emperor: Ok, have the fleet log off, dewd.

Vayderr: What about the rebels, they're gonna try and camp us.

Emperor: Dewd, don't worry it's all part of my plan. Lewkk we'll come here and we'll PK him.

Vayderr: Can we kill him some more after he respawns?

Emperor: He will not respawn...I've activated the Permadeath feature for this entire station.

Vayderr: NO WAY! R U NUTS?? WHAT IF WE DIE??

Emperor: Scared?

The Emperor shocks Vayderr with a bolt of force lightning.

Vayderr: Dewd, quit it, I'm logging, u suxxors.

Emperor: Cry about it why don't you? u big baby. Just calm down, he's a stinkin noobie, we'll be fine.

Vayderr: I hope so dewd.

Cut to the Shuttle Tydirium.

Hann speaks over the comlink: The pasword is Rubbaplitzkin...

Wacky: ROOAR

Hann: I mean rumplestiltskin

Cut to Vayderr's ISD. Vayderr is looking over the shoulder of Admiral Peanut.

Vayderr: Does their password check out?

Peanut: Dewd, not even close...it's like a month old, plus you can hear a wookie roarin in the background. U ever hear of an Imperial wookie? Me neither. I'm gonna blast em out of the sky.

Vayderr: Dewd, leave them for me.

Peanut: Whatever dewd.

Cut to the shuttle.

Hann: They're onto us dewd.

Lewkk: Vayderr's over there...

Hann: No way dewd, there are lots of command ships...

Lewkk: No, dewd, look, u can see him in the window, how many other imperials are dressed all in black and seven feet tall?

Hann: Dewd, I see him...Wacky, prepare for ramming speed!!

Suddenly the comlink buzzes and they are cleared to land.

Hann: Kewl, see , no problemo.

The shuttle cruises down to the surface.

Open on Hann, Lewkk, 3peaoh, Leah65 RRRtoo and Wacky hiding behind some trees. They are looking out at a pair of imperial scouts.

Leah65: Let's see what they drop

Hann: Me and Wacky get these two, u guys can have next.

Lewkk: Ok kewl.

Hann runs out and fires at the first scout. The scout fires back and kills him. He yells to his partner.

Scout: Dewd, go get some help!

The second scout takes off on his speederbike. Leah65 and Lewkk jump on the other bike and chase after him. The first scout is firing at them when Hann respawns and PKs him.

Lewkk and Leah65 are chasing the scout through the forest when they pass another pair of troopers.

TrooperBob: Look, sir, droids.

Commander: Dewd, those are rebels, let's get 'em!

Bob and the commander jump on their bikes and take off after Lewkk and Leah65.

Lewkk: Dewd, there's more...and they're all mine.

Lewkk jumps off the bike and ignites his saber as Leah65 takes off after the other one.

Commander: HAHA! A PINK SABER!! LOLOL!!

Lewkk: Dewd, you're done like dinner!!

Lewkk slices the speederbike apart as the commander flies by, destroying it and sending the commander flying into the woods.

TrooperBob: Look, sir, droids.

Lewkk turns around just in time to see Bob ram him with the sppederbike. Lewkk winds up riding on the front of the bike as Bob races through the woods.

TrooperBob: Look, sir-

Lewkk: Look, sir, a tree!

Lewkk shoves Bob off the bike and into a tree. Bob makes a wet Splatting noise as he hits the tree at 200 mph.

Lewkk rides off as the commander comes out of the woods.

Commander: Dangit Bob u Noob, u let him get away.

Cut to Leah65 chasing the other scout. She manages to ram his bike, causing both of them to crash into a tree. Leah65 is thrown into the woods, and the scout is killed in the explosion.

Leah65: This suxxors, now I gotta walk all the way back.

Snugglebear: Yub yub.

Leah65 turns and sees a small bear-like creature. It has blue fur, and a little heart shape on its belly.

Leah65: Wow, a Carebear!

Snugglebear: Yub yub.

Leah65: U want me to go with u? Ok.

A trooper jumps out of the forest.

Trooper: U suxxors!! DIE DIE DIE!! Hey, I can't shoot...wtf??

Leah65: Hah, the Carebear has neutralized your PK ability!

Leah65 flicks the trooper with her finger, which causes him to die instantly.

Leah65: Carebear buffs roxxor!

Leah65 and snugglebear head into the forest.

Cut to the UP star throne room.

Vayderr: Dewd, Lewkk is on the moon.

Emperor: I know dewd. U have to go there and get him. I have to log for a while. My mom says I have to clean my room and do my homework.

Vayderr: Ok dewd.

Emperor: Once u get him, bring him here and wait 4 me.

Vayderr: Ok.

Emperor: Don't screw it up, or I'll PK you, get it?

Vayderr: Ok dewd.

The Emperor logs.

Vayderr: Snot nose little...

Cut to the forest moon.

Lewkk runs up to Hann.

Hann: Dewd, where's Leah65?

Lewkk: I dunno dewd, look, I gotta tell you something-

Wacky: ROOAR

Hann: What?

Lewkk: She's a-

Wacky: ROOAR

Hann: Hold on dewd.

Hann and Lewkk go over to see what Wacky's doing. It seems he's found a corpse and is trying to loot it with the help of the droids.

Lewkk: Wait a second dewd.

But it's too late as Wacky springs the trap, catching them all in a net hanging 20 feet off the ground.

3peaoh: Dewd, this suxxors

Hann: U idiot, always tryin to get more loot.

Lewkk: Dewd, I can't get my LS

RRRtoo cuts through the net, dropping them all to the floor.

From out of the bushes come dozens of carebears, in all pastel colors. Yellow bears, pink bears, blue bears, orange bears...all with a little heart shape on their bellies.

Hann: Carebears! Let's see what they drop!

Hann finds himself unable to fire his pistol, however.

Lewkk: It's no use dewd, they got us.

3peaoh: Dewd...this suxxors.

Upon seeing 3peaoh, all the carebears kneel down.

Happy_Bear: Yub Yub.

3peaoh: Woah dewd, they've mistaken me for a member of the Dev Team, Q-3P0.

Lewkk: Kewl dewd. Tell them you'll ban them all if they don't let us go.

3peaoh: No way dewd, it's against my programming to impersonate an employee of Sony, Lucas Arts, Verant Interactive or any of its subsidiary companies. Not to mention TOS and the user agreement.

Lewkk: U noob.

The carebears tie the group up and lead them away.

Cut to the Carebear village. It is painted in bright pink and yellow pastels and decorated with little hearts.

The carebears lead the group into the center of the village.

Happy_Bear: Yub Yub.

3peaoh: Kewl dewdz. They're going to sacrifice u guys to me! I ROXXORS! I AM GOD! MUHAHAHAHA!

Hann: Dewd, when we respawn, do u know how hard we're gonna PK u?

3peaoh: Uh...oh. Yub Yub.

Happy_Bear: Yub Yub.

3peaoh: Dewd, he says no way.

Leah65 and snugglebear come out from a hut.

Leah65: Dewdz, let my friends go!

Snugglebear: Yub Yub

Lewkk: 3peaoh, tell them to let us go, and you'll give them a map to the Jedi training masters.

3peaoh: Yub Yub.

Snugglebear: Yub Yub.

3peaoh: Dewd, they don't believe u r a Jedi.

Lewkk levitates 3peaoh. A moment later the carebears cut them free. Lewkk gives them a piece of paper.

Hann: Dewd, did u really give them a map to Jedi masters?

Lewkk: No dewd, it's the map to the shield generator, but I don't think they can read.

Hann: Kewl.

Lewk: Well, let's see if we can get n e supplies while we're here.

Lewkk and the others split up and loot everything they can find in the carebear village.

Hann: Dewd, 3peaoh's over there, let's get him and get out of here.

Lewkk: U go ahead, I gotta talk to Leah65.

Hann: Ok dewd.

Hann heads over to 3peaoh.

3peaoh: Yub Yub Noob Yub Yub TrooperBob Yub Yub Yub Train Yub Yub Camp Yub Yub Yodewd Yub Yub Landus_Maximus Yub Yub Phat Lewt Yub Yub JEbay the Hutt Yub Yub Look, sir, droids Yub Yub

Hann: Dewd, lets get goin

3peaoh: Ok dewd, I was just tellin em our story.

Cut to Lewkk and Leah65 outside the village

Lewkk: Dewd, are u m or f in rl?

Leah65: Uhhh...m. Dewd, don't get mad, it's just roleplaying!

Lewkk: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Lewkk runs off into the forest.

Hann comes out.

Hann: Whats his problem? U tld him u liked me best, didn't u?

Leah65: Uhh, yeah dewd.

Hann: Kewl, I roxxors. Let's make out.

Leah65: Ok dewd

Open on the Commander standing over the corpse of TrooperBob.

Commander: You idiot! You left your permadeath switch on!

TrooperBob: ...

Commander: Bob! Say something!

TrooperBob: Look...sir......droids....

Commander: NOOO! Those rebels killed Bob! They'll pay for this!!!

The commander gets a sack full of thermal detonators and heads into the forest.

Cut to the Imperial Landing pad. Vayderr's shuttle cruises in for a landing. Vayder gets out as an Imperial comes up to the shuttle.

Imperial: Sir, we've taken a prisoner.

Another Imperial brings in Lewkk.

Imperial: He was running through the forest screaming...he was armed only with this.

The Imperial hands Vayderr Lewkk's lightsaber.

Vayderr: Ok, dewd, leave him with me.

The Imperial leaves. Vayderr ignites the lightsaber.

Vayderr: Pink??? Son...are you...you know??

Lewkk: Dewd!! No way!!

Vayderr: You know, you'll still be my son no matter what

Lewkk: Dad!! Cut it out! Don't even say that!

Vayderr: Son, come with me, we'll camp the Emperor.

Lewkk: No way dewd, I've given up the path of Phat Lewt. Ewan-Wan said u could go to the light side with him and Yodewd.

Vayderr: And give up my Lewtt? No way dewd.

Lewkk: The sux to you dewd. Just PK me and get it over with.

Vayderr: Sorry dewd, the Emporer has special plans for you.

Cut to the shield bunker. Hann, Wacky, Leah65, 3peaoh and RRRtoo are waiting to ambush the Imperials.

Hann: Ok dewdz-

Leah65: Uh oh, look.

A line of Carebears has formed outside the bunker. Snugglebear is banging on the door.

Hann: Dewd, they followed the map Lewkk gave them, they're here to camp Jedi training masters!

The bunker door opens and the carebears descend on it.

Imperial: Hey! Hey! Get out dewdz! There ain't any Jedis here!!

Hann: KEwl, that was ez, let's go shut down the shields

Cut to the Rebel HQ frigate.

Hackbarr: All ships stand by. Get ready to camp that sucker.

Mon_Mutha: I can't wait to see what it drops dewd!

Landus: Anyone takes cuts, and they get the double sword maneuver!!

Cut to the Emperor's throne room aboard the UP Star. Lewkk is led in by Vayderr.

Emperor: So, Lewkk the noob. We meet at last!

Lewkk: Wassup dewd?

Vayderr hands the emporer Lewkk's LS.

Emperor: Dewd, nice LS.

He ignites it.

Emperor: Dewd..wtf?? It's pink? You sissy!

Lewkk: Alright, that's it!! U R SO PKed!!

Lewkk uses the force to snatch the LS and swings it, but is blocked by Vayderr.

Emperor: Nice save dewd!

Vayderr: Lewkk...give in to the lure of Phat Lewt...join me!

Emperor: Dewd! U suxxors! Lewkk, kill this noob and join me!

Lewkk: I already got a group dewd.

Emperor: Not for long dewd. We're gonna perma kill all ur little carebear friends. Those shields aren't goin anywhere.

Lewkk: U guys suxxor...I'm not joining anyone, I'm gonna PK both of u!

Emperor: Dang it, my mom says I gotta have my bath now!! BRB

Lewkk and Vayderr begin to duel.

Cut to the forest moon. Hann is standing outside the bunker.

Hann: Ok, let's do this thing.

Suddenly hundreds of troops rush out of the woods and cover Hann and Leah65.

Leah65: Uh oh-

The Commander comes around the corner, carrying his bag of thermal detonators.

Commander: U GUYS KILLED BOB!

The commander flips his permadeath switch to "on" and activates the detonators.

Commander: LOOK, SIR, DEAD REBELS!!!

A huge explosion engulfs the forest, destroying the rebels, troopers and the shield generator. Moments later Hann and Leah65 respawn.

Hann: Woah, that guy was nutso.

Leah65: Hey, he took out the shields.

Hann: Kewl...we'll tell everyone we did it...

Leah65: Kewl, maybe we'll get a reward.

Hann: I love u

Leah65: Uhh, dewd, I gotta tell u something...

Hann: What?

Leah65: Dude, I'm M in RL.

Hann: R U? Kewl, I'm really F in RL. I was just RPing.

Leah65: Rilly?? Kewl dewd! I love u 2.

Hann: I know

Leah65: I know you know.

Hann: I know u know I know you know

3peaoh: Will u guys stop it, let's go camp the UP star.

RRRtoo: Beep.

Cut to the UP star exterior. The rebels are battling the PK Empire's fleet.

Hackbarr: At least the guns on the UP star are still bugged.

The UP star suddenly fires and destroys one of the rebel frigates.

Mon_Mutha: Uh oh, dewd, let's log.

Landus comes over the comlink.

Landus: No way dewd, I'm goin in...

Red_Leader_Maul: U snooze U lose dewd, I'm goin in first!

Landus: No cuts!

Landus and Red_Leader_Maul fly into the UP star.

Cut to the throne room.

Lewkk is hiding behind a pillar as Vayderr approaches.

Vayderr: Come on newb, fight like a man...oh wait, that's right, u got a pink LS, and ur gf is a man baby...u must be a girl!

Lewkk: OK, IT'S GO TIME!!!

Lewkk comes out and goes buck wild all over Vayderr...finally he cuts off his hand and prepares to PK him.

Emperor: Dewd, baths suxxor. Hey, Kewl, ur gonna be my new apprentice Lewkkie.

Lewkk: Dewd, don't call me that. I'm not gonna be apprentice to any 3rd grader.

Emperor: 3rd grader?? I'm in SIXTH grade u noob! Die!!

The Emperor fires his force lightning at Lewkk, knocking him to the ground.

Emperor: Have fun starting your character over noob. Vayderr, prepare my shuttle. After this we're gonna go PK all those rebels. If you're a good boy, I might even let u get some kills.

Lewkk: Dad...ur not gonna take orders from a 3rd grader the rest of ur life r u?

Vayderr: No way Dewd!!

Vayderr grabs the Emperor and throws him down the shaft. Vayderr is almost PKed by the lightning.

Lewkk: Dewd, u saved me!

Vayderr: Dangit...I shouldn't have thrown him in the shaft, now I can't loot his corpse.

Cut to the interior of the UP star. Landus and Red_Leader_Maul are racing for the core.

Landus: U cutter!! It's my KILL

Red_Leader_Maul: U baby...may the best man win.

Red_Leader reaches the core and prepares to fire...the falcon closes in behind and blows him away!

Landus: SEE YAAA!!

Landus flies for the UP star core and fires.

Landus: I AM LANDUS_MAXIMUS, AND I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE IN THIS LIFETIME OR THE NEXT!!!

He destroys the core and flies away.

Cut to the UP Star docking bay.

Lewkk: Come on dad, let's go.

Vayderr: Dewd, no way...I can't make it, the emporer PKed me...

Lewkk: Dewd, that suxxors.

Vayderr: Dewd, I think I'm gonna go to the other side and join Ewan-Wan and Yodewd. Dewd, Lewt my helmet, u can sell it for a lot of credits.

Lewkk loots Vayderr's helmet.

Vayderr: Kewl dewd.

Lewkk: Dewd, I wanted to group with u and stuff.

Vayderr: U already did dewd..u..already..did...

Vayderr dies. Lewkk loots his corpse.

Cut to the forest moon. The carebears have all respawned and are throwing a party. Lewkk lands his shuttle and goes to the others who are waiting for him.

Lewkk: Dewdz, its all over, Vayderr is dead.

Leah65: Dewds, there's no more expansions, what do we do now...

Hann: Well, we could try another MMORPG...

3peaoh: Dewd, kewl, I know a few we could try, but for now let's PARTY BECAUSE WE FREAKIN ROXXORS!!!

Wacky: ROOAR!

RRRtoo: BEEP!

Everyone cheers and we fade to black...

...

...

...

...

...

EPILOGUE:

Open on a grassy, windswept plain. White clouds billow across a perfect blue skyline. There is a soft glow of light, and 3 figures materialize.

Ewan_Wan_Gandalfi: Dewdz...I'm a crazy old wizard again, dang it..

Anakin_Baggins: Dewd, my feet are all freakin hairy!

Yoddum: Complain do you?!? At me you will look! Small and green am I again! Fair this is not!

Ewan: Dewd, chill.

Yoddum: Chill! Your butt will I kick...hey, what is that?

Yoddum has seen something shiny on the ground and reaches for it, but Anakin grabs it first.

Yoddum: MINE! MINE IT IS! MY PRECIOUSSESS!

Anakin: Dewd, calm down.

Anakin sees it is a ring and puts it on. He disappears.

Ewan: Dewd, did u log??

Anikin: No dewd,I'm still here.

Yoddum: A cloaking device we have found. Mine it is, saw it first I did.

Anikin: Dewd...I can't give it to you...I'm feeling possessive, like I'd kill you before giving it up...

Ewan: Dewd, don't start that dark side stuff again already...Hey, what's that?

Ewan points...in the distance 2 dark, red eyed riders are approaching.

Yoddum: Friendly they do not look...run we shall.

The group takes off running as the riders draw near.

RingwraithBob: Look, sir, droids.

RingwraithCommander: Idiot, those aren't droids! Those are hobbits!! Get em!!

The riders give chase as we fade to black...

The end

User avatar
Belecthor
Posts: 33
Joined: Sun Jul 21, 2019 4:27 am

Re: Lewt Warz

Post by Belecthor » Sun Jul 28, 2019 2:58 am

A long time ago on a server far, far away...

Lewt Warz
Episode I: The Phantom Beta

The Beta has begun. Thousands of testers

from across the galaxy have descended on

the servers. The master bug list is secured

on the planet of Naboo.


Hoping to gain control of this list, the

evil Lewt Federation has surrounded the

planet with a blockade of deadly battleships.


While the Guides endlessly debate this

matter, the Dev Team has secretly dispatched

two Jedi Knights to settle the conflict...


Open on a small cruiser heading for the Lewt Federation control ship. Inside the cruiser Chow-Yun-Gin speaks.

Gin: Tell them we're beaming over.

Captian: Dewd, there's no beaming in this game.

Gin: Suxxors. Tell them we're boarding them then.

Captain: Alrighty dewd.

The captain calls up Nuke_Dukeray on the viewscreen.

Captain: Prepare to be boarded, Matey!

Gin: Dewd, we're not pirates!

Captain: Oh sorry dewd.

Nuke: Dewdz, our blockade is perfectly legal. If the game allows it, it isn't an exploit. U can come aboard all u want.

Cut to the docking bay. The ship docks and the two Jedi get off. A silver protocol droid, L3-WT approaches.

L3-WT: hello, I am L3-WT, walk this way.

The Jedi shuffle along with their arms bent awkwardly in an attempt to follow the droid's instructions. They are led to the
conference room.

L3-WT: I'll Be back.

L3-WT leaves.

Ewan-Wan lowers his hood.

Ewan-Wan: A bad feeling about this I have

Gin: Don't talk like Yodewd, it's annoying.

Ewan-Wan: But he said I should be more like him...

Gin: But not at the expense of your kewlness, dewd.

Ewan: Ok dewd. How long do u think this is gonna take? I got exams later.

Gin: After we PK them ten or fifteen times, I think they'll see things our way.

Cut to the bridge. L3-WT, Nuke and Daultray Doofus are there.

L3-WT: Dewd, those guys r Jedi

Doofus: Dewd, we r so PKed! I knew we shouldn't do this. We r gonna get PKed and Banned!

Nuke: Dewd, no probelmo, I'm gonna call the boss man.

Doofus: We better keep them distracted.

Nuke: Send in the droid.

L3-WT: YOU GUYS SUXXOR!

Cut to the conference room.

Ewan: No way dewd.

Gin:Yeah dewd, and then Mace sticks his saber up to the guys face and says-

L3-WT enters.

L3-WT: Uhh...we're experiencing technical difficulties...please stand by...

Cut to the bridge. The nemodians are talking to a hologram of The_Real_Darth_Shadee

Shadee: Jedi! Those noobs! PK 'em dewdz.

Doofus: Dewd, they're Jedi, we're freakin merchants!

Shadee: Dewd, u want me 2 PK u?

Nuke: Dewd, plz don't we'll get 'em

Shadee: U better

Cut to the conference room

L3-WT: So this guy with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar, and he says-

Ewan: Something's up.

Gin: Wow, u must be Sherlock Holmes.

Suddenly gas starts to fill the room.

Ewan: Master, Gas!

Gin takes a whiff of the air.

Gin: Dewd, it's beta gas...it doesn't do anything yet.

Cut to outside the conference room. Several battle droids are there, watching a hologram of Nuke.

Nuke: Dewdz, they must be PKed by now. Check it out.

The hologram fades and the doors open. Gas billows out of the room.

L3-WT staggers out.

L3-WT: DEWDZ! Don't shoot!!

Battledroid captain: Dewd...lieutenant, go in there and check it out.

Battledroid Lt.: No way dewd, u go check it out.

Droid Captain: No way dewd-

Suddenly Ewan and Gin leap out of the gas and PK the droids.

Ewan: We owned joo noobs.

More battle droids arrive. The Jedi begin to cut them down.

Cut to the bridge.

Nuke: Dewd, our droids r getting wasted. Send in the big guns.

Doofus: Dewd, have u ever seen Jedi? We r so Pked dewd.

Nuke: Close the blast doors.

Doofus: Dewd, no way. Let's just log dewd. We can make new characters and stuff, u know, I always wanted to try a
cantina owner...

Cut to the hallway. Gin and Ewan are outside the blast doors.

Gin: Hmm, how do we get in?

Ewan: Try to cut through the doors.

Gin: Dewd, no way will that work, u know how much trouble someone could cause if they could cut stuff apart like that?

Ewan: Dewd, just try it.

Gin tries it and begins to slice through the door.

Gin: OMG dewd...this roxxors...dewd, when we get back to coruscant, let's get the whole Jedi council together and cut
down every building on the planet.

Ewan: LOL dewd, that'll roxxor! You rool dewd.

Suddenly two destroyer droids wheel around the corner.

DestroyerDroidBob: Look, sir, Droids.

DestroyerDroidCommander: Dewd, we're the droids, those r Jedi. Blast 'em!

The droids blast at the Jedi, but have their shots reflected. The droids turn on their shields.

Ewan: They got shields dewd, run!

Gin and Ewan run down the hall.

Cut to the bridge.

Nuke: See, we rool dewd.

Doofus: Yeah dewd. They lagged through to the ventilation shafts.

Nuke: Send more droids, we gotta PK em.

Doofus: Can I have a lightsabre when we're done?

Nuke: Dewd! It's LightsabER, learn 2 spell!

Cut to the landing bay. Gin and Ewan are hiding behind some crates.

Gin: Ok, dewd, race u 2 the surface.

Ewan: Ur on geezer.

Open on the PK Federation ship bridge. Nuke and Doofus have recieved a call from the planet. The image of Queen Prima donna appears on the screen.

Nuke: Ooh, it's the hottie!

Doofus: Dewd, move, let me get a look!

Prima: U noobs aren't even fit to lick my boots. Now move your ships away from my planet. I know the Jedi are up there already.

Nuke: Jedi? I didn't see any Jedi. Did you see any Jedi?

Doofus: Jedi? What's a Jedi look like? I never heard of it.

Prima: Dewds! Stop lying!

Nuke: I don't know what u r talking about?

Nuke turns to the rest of the people on the bridge.

Nuke: Hey, anyone here know what a Jedi is? Anyone ever see one?

TrooperBob: Look, sir, droids.

Nuke: See, no Jedi here, just droids. Hey, maybe look under your bed, that might be where your Jedi are. My little sister is always losing stuff under her bed.

Prima: U guys suxxor. I hate u.

She hangs up.

Nuke: Dewd, did u see how she was looking at me? I think she likes me.

Doofus: No way dewd, she was looking at me, she's all mine!

Cut to Naboo, palace throne room. Captain Pancake, and Governor Babble are talking to a hologram of Senator Palpatino

Prima: Those dweebs.

Palpatino: No way, I know the Jedi made it there...they...senate...

The transmission breaks up.

Prima gets up and kicks the generator.

Prima: Doesn't anything around here work right????

Babble: Well, it IS a beta.

Pancake: Beta schmeta. This suxxors.

Prima: I know those dewds r going to invade.

Pancake: We'll get PKed for sure.

Prima: I will not condone a course of action that leads us to get looted.

Cut to a forest on Naboo.

Chow-Yun-Gin is running from a hovertank. A strange looking creature steps into his way.

Gin: GET OUT OF THE WAY NEWBIE!!

Nu-Nu-Bee: Heysa, how'd u knowsa mya name??

Gin slashes his LS and lops of NuNu's head, then runs into the woods. NuNu respawns right next to him.

NuNu: Heys, that was verrrry mean

Gin: How did you respawn so close to me?

NuNu: Is a bug. Isa know how to makea PCs my bind point. Yousa going to be my bind point from now on. Isa gonna follow u eeeeverywhere.

Gin: Wonderful.

NuNu: I be a big help, I found this one bug, so you know I am a smartie.

Gin: The ability to exploit a bug does not make you intelligent.

Ewan-Wan comes running up.

Ewan: Master-woah, what is that?

Ewan points at NuNu, who grins and waves like a fool.

Gin: It's our new companion.

NuNu: Hisa, mesa be NuNuBee

Ewan: No. Absolutely not. No freakin way.

Ewan PKs NuNu, who immediately respawns and sticks his tongue out at Ewan.

Gin: It appears we're stuck with him.

Ewan: Wonderful. Well, where do we go now?

Gin: We have to get to the capitol city.

NuNu: I be knowin a good way to get to the capitol.

Gin: And how is that?

NuNu: Wesa go back to gungun city. But I wait here for you. Isa bein bansished from dere.

Ewan: Gee, I wonder why.

NuNu: Justa go that way.

NuNu points and Ewan and Gin take off for the city. They come to a small pond, dive in and swim to the city.

Back in the forest, NuNu is waiting patiently when a squadron of droids comes out of the trees.

NuNu: Helllllo dere! Mesa be-

The droids, without saying a word, all open fire on NuNu, vaporizing him instantly.

As Ewan and Gin arrive in the underwater city, NuNu respawns next to Gin.

NuNu: Thata suckeda

As the survey their surroundings, General Carpal-Tunnel rides up.

Carpal: Yo dudesa wassa uppa?? Hey, is thata NuNuBee?? You in for it now!

Carpal PKs NuNu, who immediately respawns.

Carpal: Hmm, I guessa I'ma gonna have to take you to the bossa!

Carpal leads the three to the chamber of Boss Crass.

Crass: NuNu! Yousa being banished. Why yousa here?

NuNu: It being their fault!

NuNu points at the Jedi.

Gin: You suxxors dewd.

Ewan: Later for you, NuNu.

Gin and Ewan step up to Crass.

Gin: Dewd...the Lewt federation is going to attack Naboo.

Crass: Like Isa be carin about that. Those naboo thinkin they so kewl. I likes to watch them get PK!

Gin: If they do, then you'll be next.

Crass: Hah, gungun have mad skillza. We nosa bein afraid of no dewdz.

Gin uses the Jedi mind trick on Crass.

Gin: You will give us a ship.

Crass: Wesa be given you a ship.

Gin: And a color holoscreen.

Crass: And we be givin you a big color holoscreen

Gin: and some twilek dancers.

Ewan: Dewd, don't push it!

Gin: Dewd, how can I know if it works right if I don't test it. This is a Beta after all!

Ewan: Oh yeah. Dewd, get me some twileks too.

Crass: Enough! yousa gonna go to your ship, and go through the plaaaanet core.

Ewan: Sounds lke fun. Let's go.

The Jedi are led to their ship and sent on their way.

Crass: Nowsa, as for you NuNuBee.

Crass PKs NuNu. He respawns in the ship next to Gin.

Ewan: We're cursed, master.

Suddenly a giant fish swims up and bites the ship.

Gin: uh oh dewdz.

Another, bigger fish, swims up and eats the first.

Gin: There's always a bigger fish.

Ewan: Very wise words master.

Gin: Huh? No, I mean there's always a bigger fish!

Ewan looks back and sees a line of fish stretching for hundreds of miles, each one bigger than the last.

Gin: It must be some kind of bug. Run dewd!!

Open on the Lewt Federation ship bridge.

Nuke: Dewd, I'm telling you she likes me...

The hologram communicator begins to buzz. Nuke and Doofus look at it.

Nuke: Answer it dewd.

Doofus: No way, I'm not answering it, u answer it.

Nuke: No way, u do it. I'm ur superior.

Doofus: No way. I'm not talking to him. U do it.

Nuke: U Suxxors.

Nuke turns on the projector.

Shadee: Dimwit, what took u so long?

Nuke: Uhh, I was in the shower dewd. Wassup?

Shadee: Give me a report on the invasion.

Nuke: Everything's kewl dewd, no problems whatsoever.

Shadee: Kewl. I have the guide program bogged down in procedure. By the time they figure anything out, it'll be too late for them do anything.

Nuke: Kewl, u roxxor dewd. Laterz.

Nuke reaches out to hang up.

Shadee: Wait! What about the Jedi?

Nuke: Uhh..oh, we got 'em dewd. They're done like dinner.

Shadee: Good.

Shadee hangs up.

Doofus: U lied

Nuke: Dewd, we gotta kill 'em b4 he finds out.

Cut to the capitol city of Naboo. The Gungun ship surfces in a small pond and Chow-Yun and Ewan-Wan get out.

Gin: Excellent thinking my young Padawan.

Ewan: Thank you master.

NuNu respawns nar Gin and looks at Ewan-Wan.

NuNu: That waaas berrry mean, whysa u feed me to the fishies?

Ewan: Well, we had to have some kind of a distraction.

Gin: Come on, let's go.

The three make their way to the palace.

Cut to the palace. Nuke, Doofus, and dozens of Battle droids are leading Quenn Prim Dona, Captain Pancake, several handmaidens and Governor Babble to the detention center.

Nuke: Now, you will hand over the master bug list, and our exploitation can begin.

Prima: Stuff it, noob. u r gonna get banned for exploiting.

Nuke: I have been assured that the guide program will do nothing.

Prima: I hate u.

Nuke: Take them to camp 4.

Battle droid: Roger dodger dewd.

The prisoners are led outside. as they pass under a bridge, Ewan and Gin jump down and PK the droids.

On the bridge, NuNu is about to jump down when 2 destroyer droids come around the corner.

DestroyerBob: Look, sir, droids.

Destroyer commander: That's no droid, it's...it's a...I don't know what it is, but it looks annoying, blast it!

Bob and the commander blow NuNu to bits.

NuNu respawns next to Gin just as they reach the hangar.

NuNu: Mesa no like dem droids.

Gin: Can it NuNu. Queen Prima, we have to get u to coruscant.

Prima: No way, I'm staying here and PKing those dewds. Gimme your sword.

Gin: No way. Now, if u come with us, we'll take u shopping on coruscant. We have 3 mllion malls there.

Prima: Kewl, shopping roolz. I can get more overly elaborate dresses.

Pancake: We need to free those pilots.

Ewan: Roger dewd.

Ewan goes over and PKs the droids guarding the pilots.

Gin and the rest go to the guards by the ship.

Gin: Move it noob.

Battle droid: Halt, let me see your ID pal.

Gin: Umm, I left it in my other robes.

Gin PKs the guards and everyone gets on the ship.

Ric-Oily: Ok dewds, let's rock.

Pancake: Wait, where's Babble?

Prima looks outside. She sees Babble just standing there.

Prima: He's lagged. Sux to b him. Let's go.

The ship takes off. Babble's lag clears and he runs after the ship, but can't make it in time. He gives them the *bird* emote as they take off.

Babble: YOU GUYS FREAKING SUXXOR!!!!!

The ship approaches the Lewt Federation blockade.

Ric: There's the blockade.

Ewan: Astute observation.

Lewt Federation fighters are launched and come after the ship.

Ric: There are some fighters.

Ewan: We can see, you know.

The fighters fire on the ship.

Ric: There's some laser fire.

Ewan: Cut the play by play and just fly the ship!

NuNu: WESA ALL GONNA DIE!!

Gin: Ewan, get that...thing...out of here.

Ewan takes NuNu to the rear of the ship as Ric prepares to run the blockade. He locks him in the droid storage room.

As Ric runs past the blockade the Lewt Federation fighters knock out the hyperdrive.

Gin: Dewd, where'd u learn to fly?

Ric: Dewd, it's not my fault, there's a bug or something, yeah, that's it.

Back in the droid room, NuNu is fiddling with the astromechs. They come to life.

NuNu: Howdy dere boyos.

The astromechs converge on NuNu and PK him, then leave to repair the ship.

NuNu respawns in the cockpit.

NuNu: Them droidsa not being berry nice.

On top of the ship, the droids, D0-0D, KE-WL, IR-0X, US-UX, and RRRtoo, are attempting to repair the hyperdrive.

One by one the droids are getting blown away.

Ric: There goes a droid. There goes another droid. There's another one.

Gin: Next time you open your mouth, u get PKed, understand Oily?

Oily nods.

On top of the ship RRRtoo suddenly disappears. In his place appears another droid: RRRtoo's_Naboo_Cruiser_Repair_Mule. He quickly fixes the hyperdrive and the ship streaks away.

Ric: That little mule did it!

Gin PKs Ric.

Cut to the Queens throne room on the ship.

Pancake: This is the little droid who's mule saved us.

Prima: What's its designation?

Pancake: Well, judging by the 4 foot high letters floating in the air over its head like a neon freaking sign, I'd say it's RRRtoo.

Prima: I hate u. RRRtoo, tell ur mule we said thanks. Handmaiden Dona, take this droid and give it a rubdown.

Dona: Kewl.

RRRtoo: Beep.

In the cockpit Ric has respawned. Gin and Ewan are looking over the monitor when Pancake comes in.

Ric: The hyperdrive's blown, we can't get anywhere.

Gin: Did I say u could talk?

Ric shakes his head "no"

Gin: Good, then stay quiet.

Ewan: Look master, we can land on Tattoine. It's sparsely populated, relatively low tech, a virtual desert wasteland, but I bet they just happen to have the part we're looking for.

Gin: Kewl. Isn't that JEbay_The_Hutt's planet?

Pancake: JEbay??? U can't take the queen there, she'll sell like hotcakes!

Gin: Better than getting PKed. Make it so.

Pancake: Stoopid Trekkie.

The ship heads for Tattoine

Open on the Lewt Federation ship bridge. Nuke and Doofus are talking to a hologram of The_Real_Darth_Shadee.

Shadee: Have u found the bug list?

Nuke: Ahh...no, uh, the Jedi, they respawned, and they took the queen off the planet.

Shadee: U stinkin noob. This is my apprentice, Darth_Monty_Haul. He will kill the Jedi, and get the bug list.

Cut to the Naboo cruiser landing on the surface of Tattoine. Gin and RRRtoo get out to head for the settlement. Pancake and Dona come running out of the ship.

Pancake: Dewds. wait up. The Queen orders u to take her handmaiden with you.

Gin: No way dewd, this isn't a sight seeing tour.

Dona waves her hand.

Dona: U want to take me to the settlement.

Gin: I want to take you to the settlement.

They set off again. As they arrive, Gin looks around and sees Dona.

Gin: Hey, u aren't supposed to be able to do that...man, I hate Betas!!

Dona: Ha sux to b u.

Gin: Exploiter.

Suddenly NuNu spawns next to Gin.

NuNu: That Panacakey not berrry nice man.

Gin: Wonderful. Let's try that shop over there.

They head for the junkyard.

In the store xWatto_Tha_Gangstax is flying around.

Gin: Hey, u got any J-type 327 nubian hyperdrives?

Watto: I dunno, lets go look out back.

Gin: Kewl. U 2 wait here.

Watto calls out to xX_The_Chosen_1_Anikin_Xx

Watto: Noob, get out here and watch the counter!

Anikin comes out.

Anikin: I'm not a newbie!

Watto PKs Anikin. He respawns and returns.

Watto: I 0wned joo noob.

Watto and Gin go out back.

Anikin looks at Dona.

Anikin: U R A hottie.

Dona: I know. U R A little boy, so buzz off.

Out back Watto has found the hyperdrive. Gin waves his hand.

Gin: U will give me the hyperdrive for free.

Watto: No way dewd. Looks like ur mind trick is bugged.

Gin: This suxxors, that stoopid little girl can use it but mine doesn't work.

Watto: What u got to trade?

Gin looks in his backpack.

Gin: let's see...40 battle droid legs, some rotten fish scales, the ears off a gundark...

Watto: That lewt sux, noob. Come back when you've got something better.

Gin, Dona, NuNu and RRRtoo leave.

Watto: That chick was a hottie. Finish washing the floors and u can go home.

Anikin: Kewl dewd.

Cut to Gin and the rest walking down the street. NuNu notices a corpse lying on the ground and tries to loot it, suddenly the owner, SeBubba comes running up.

SeBubba: Hey boy, whatchew doin, lootin mah corpse?

NuNu: It being their fault!

NuNu points at Gin and Dona.

SeBubba: I'ma gonna tan yer hide, newbie, get ready to throw down.

Anikin comes up.

Anikin: Cut it out Bubba you redneck twit he's really the mule for a high level Pk.

SeBubba: Izzat so? Well, yer lucky then. As fer yew, little boy, I'll see you in the monster truck pull tomorrah!

Anikin: It's not a truck pull, you beer belly redneck sharecropper! it's a pod race!

SeBubba: Whatever dewd, I'm gonna 0wn you.

SeBubba loots his own corpse then leaves.

Anikin: U got lucky, SeBubba's not very bright, but he's sneaky. He coulda PKed u.

Gin: Thanks dewd. Well, we gotta get going.

System administrator: The server will be coming down for a character wipe in 2 minutes, please get to a safe place and log out.

System administrator: The server will be coming down for a character wipe in 2 minutes. Please get to a safe place and log out.

Anikin: Woah...hey you guys wanna avoid the character wipe. If u hide in a house, u get to keep ur experience.

Gin: How do you know that?

Anikin: I know all kinds of bugs. Come on dewdz.

Gin and the rest follow anikin to his house. They make it inside just as the server shuts down.

Continuing....

Open on Anikin's house. Chow_Yun, Dona, Anikin and RRRtoo have just arrived. Anikin's mother CoolChick69 is in the kitchen.

Anikin: Mom, I'm home!

CoolChick69: Hey little dewd man, wassup?

Anikin: THe server is about to come down, so these dewds r gonna hide in here.

Suddenly the server goes down...12 weeks later it comes back online.

Gin: Kewl, we kept our experience. U must have Jedi powers to be able to find bugs like that.

Anikin: Yeah. I found a bug that lets me do all kinds of stuff, u should see the droid I made using it.

Gin: maybe later, take NuNu, RRRtoo and Dona back and show them.

Anikin and the rest leave CoolChick69 and Gin alone in the kitchen.

Gin: Hey baby, u r a hottie. Let's get 2 know each other...

Cut to Anikin's room. A partially assembled Sea3peaoh is on the bed. Anikin turns him on.

3peaoh: Woah dewdz, wassup?

RRRtoo: Beep.

3peaoh: A newbie?? OMG, I am a newbie, a total freakin newbie!! This suxxors!!

Anikin: What do u think?

Dona: Where's the rest of him?

Anikin: He got Pked and someone looted his coverings.

Anikin's mom calls from the kitchen for them to come eat.

Anikin, RRRtoo and Dona leave. NuNu is talking to 3peaoh.

NuNu: Hi, mesa be NuNu binks.

3peaoh: That language is not in my memory banks dewd.

NuNu: Yousa no know Gungun, what kindsa protocol droid be u?

3peaoh Pks NuNu.

3peaoh: THe kind that 0wned joo, noob.

Everyone goes and sits down around the table.

Gin: So, what was that about a monster truck rally I heard?

Anikin: It's not a truck rally, it's a pod race. I'm gonna be in it.

CoolChick69: No way dewd.

Anikin: But Mom! If I did, these guys could bet on me and win the money for their hyperdrive.

CoolChick69: Dewd, ur pod suxxors, it'll never win.

Anikin: Come on mom, plz plz plz plz plz plz plz plz plz plz plz plz plz

While Anikin continues to beg, NuNu sticks his tongue out and snaps up a piece of fruit.

Gin: Don't do that again.

NuNu: Whatsa u gonna do, pk me?

NuNu sticks his tongue out again, Gin grabs it and pins it to the table with a fork.

NuNu: OWWWW Metha thorry!! Metha tho thorry!!

CoolChick69: Oh, fine quit your begging! You can race! Go on and break your neck, see if I care!

Anikin: Kewl dewd! Let's go work on my pod!

Cut to the Nubian cruiser. A Holomessage from Naboo has been recieved.

Pancake: We should answer that. Where's the Jedi?

Oily: In the handmaiden's quarters.

Pancake: Again??? What do they feed those Jedi?!?!

Cut to Anikin's house. In the back everyone is standing around, preparing to work on the pod.

Anikin: Ok, we need to-

suddenly RRRtoo disappears. A moment later, RRRtoo's_Pod_Repair_Mule logs in, quickly constructs the fastest pod ever built, then disappears. RRRtoo logs in.

Anikin: But I wanted to build it.

RRRtoo: Beep.

In the rear, NuNu has managed to get his hand stuck in the engine, but no one has noticed.

Gin: Well, let's all go to bed.

Everyone returns to the house. A few minutes later, CoolChick69 sneaks back outside.

NuNu: Mesa be stuck!

CoolChick69: Oh, let me help u.

She turns on the pod and revs the engine, obliterating NuNu, who respawns near Gin a moment later.

NuNu: Deese peeple be berry mean around here!

Continuing...

Open on Chow -Yun-Gin speaking to Ewan-Wan on the comlink.

Gin: I need a Trekkiechlorian count on the sample I'm about to send u.

Ewan: Fire away dewd.

Ewan gets the sample and tests it.

Ewan: Woah, he has a higher Trekkiechlorian count than even master Yodewd. Higher than even
The_Dread_Sithlord_Spock.

Gin: I figured dewd. That's how he can find so many bugs...I'm gonna have to figure a way to take him back to the council...

Cut to Watto's shop. Chow-Yun is holding up a holo-image of Queen Prima Dona.

Gin: ...that's right, if we lose, you get the hottie.

Watoo: Hmm...Naboo chix aren't bad. You got a deal, Noob!

Gin: Tell, you what, throw the kid into the deal and I'll throw in a bunch of handmaidens, too.

Watoo: Kewl dewd. Chix rool.

Cut to Anikin's house. Anikin is chasing NuNu around the yard with the Podracer. Gin and CoolChick69 are watching.

Gin: So, who was his father?

CoolChick69: He had bo father...he just spawned like that. Are u going to take him with u to be a Jedi?

Gin: Maybe, if we win the tractor pull.

CoolChick69: Can u take me 2 be a Jedi too, plz plz plz plz?

Gin: Sorry babe, no can do.

CoolChick69: U suxxors.

Cut to the Podrace arena. The podracers are all lined up and ready to go. JEbay_The_Hutt is watching from his balcony. Bib_The_Tuna and Yahoola_The_Hutt are beside him.

Podrace Announcer: It's an awesome spectacle. An audacious display of seething opponents. Once again parallel in an obstinate attempt to prove superiority of the roads, unequal in our lifetime. The crowd swells with anticipation as the lights turn green!

The podracers take off. As they turn the first corner, we see xX_Aurra_Singer234_Xx watching from the sidelines. SeBubba throws an empty beer bottle at a racer behind him, who gets hit in the head and crashes his Pod. SeBubba engages in several more dirty tricks, until we come to the last lap and only he and Anikin are left.

3peaoh: Master Anikin's gonna get 0wned.

RRRtoo: Beep.

As Anikin enters the last lap, RRRtoo disappears, to be replaced by RRRtoo's_Podracing_Mule. He throws Ankin out of the Pod and jumps in, using his awesome podracing skills to 0wn SeBubba.

Podrace Announcer: SeBubba has lost! Truly a sight to behold. A man beaten. The once great champ, now a study in moppishness. No longer the victory hungry stallion we've seen race so many times before, but a pathetic, washed up, aged ex-champion.

RRtoo's_Podracing_Mule disappears and RRRtoo returns.

Anikin: But I was supposed to beat him.

RRRtoo: Beep.

Cut to Gin meeting with Watto.

Watto: You cheater! No mules r allowed!

Gin: It's beta, there's no rules in beta. U should know that.

Watto: U suxxors. I lost everything.

Gin: Mess with the best u die like the rest, dewd. Cya lozer.

Cut to Anikin's house. Anikin and Gin are getting ready to leave.

Anikin: Cya mom! When Im a Jedi, I'll send u a letter.

CoolChick69: Forget the letter, send me some lewt.

Cut to Gin, NuNu and Anikin runnng for the ship. Darth_Monty_Haul comes cruising up behins them.

Gin: Anikin! Log!

Anikin Logs off just in time to avoid being run over by Haul. Haul jumps over NuNu ignites his saber and engages Gin.

Anikin logs back on and jumps on the ship, which starts to take off.

Anikin: Wait, what about Chow-Yun!

Ewan: Dewd, did u see that other guy?, I'm not takin any chances. We'll get Gin after he respawns.

Back on the ground, Gin grabs NuNu and throws him at Haul, then jumps onto the ship.

NuNu: Hidie ho boyo, mesa be NuNu-

Haul cuts NuNu in half. NuNu respawns on the ship and it takes off.

Ewan: Dewd, close one.

Gin: No kidding dewd...I hate PKs. This is Anikin. Anikin This is Ewan-Wan.

Ewan: I have a bad feeling about this.

Open on the Naboo cruiser headed for Curuscant. NuNu, Anikin and Dona are in the back of the ship.

Anikin holds up a necklace.

Anikin: I looted this for you.

Dona takes it.

Dona: R u a stalker or something? Look, when we get to coruscant, pretend u don't know me.

Dona leaves.

NuNu: Mesa no think that girlie like you.

Anikin: Hey, NuNu, there's some phat lewt in the airlock.

Cut to the ship landing on the docking platform. Senator Palpatino is waiting with Supreme Guide Valium. Chow-Yun and the rest exit the ship.

Chow-Yun: I have to see the Jedi council immediately.

Valium: I'm sorry, I can't help you with that.

Valium leaves.

Palpatino: Don't worry, I'll get u an appointment. In the meantime, The Queen and I will be meeting with the guides.

Gin: Kewl Dewd.

As they turn to leave, NuNu spawns next to Gin.

NuNu: Dat outer space be berrrry cold!

Cut to the Queen's chambers. Valium, Pancake, NuNu and Queen Prima Dona are there with several handmaidens.

Prima: Will the guides help us?

Palpatno: No way dewd. They suxxors. They don't do anything.

Prima: What can we do?

Palpatino: Well, u can call for a new election for Supreme Guide.

Prime: Ok, kewl. Can I be elected? I wanna be a supreme guide.

Palpatino: Uhh, no, but let's worry about that later.

NuNu: Is dere gonna be a war? Is lotsa Gunguns gonna die?

Prima: I certainly hope so.

Cut to the Jedi Council chamber. Yodewd, Mace Windewd, Ki-Al-Bundy, Addi_Gramma, Paddle and the rest of the council are seated in a circle.

Yodewd: ...but a little different everything is.

Mace: Examples?

Yodewd: Well, if you go in the holotheater, a blue milkshake can you get. And in a paper cup I do not mean, but in a glass like a restaurant-

Gin, Anikin and Ewan enter.

Yodewd: Ahh, master Chow-Yun. Returned have you?

Gin: No, I'm still there, this is a hologram. Of course I've returned, you old-

Ewan: Master, your temper..

Mace: Did you have something to report, or were you just gracing us with your presence?

Gin: I ran into a member of sith club.

Mace: Sith club? There is no sith club. No way was this guy a sith.

Gin: Was too.

Mace: Was not.

Gin: Was too.

Mace: Was not.

Gin: Was too.

Yodewd: Enough! Children you are. We will take this under advisment master Chow-Yun. Youa re dismissed.

Gin: There's something else...I found the chosen one.

Mace: Did not.

Gin: Did too.

Mace: Did not.

Yodewd: Enough! Bring us this chosen one and we will test him.

Anikin steps up.

Bundy: A little short for the chosen one aren't you?

Mace: Ok, let's get this over with.

Mace takes out a viewscreen.

Mace: Ok, I'm going to put up a description of a bug, and you read my mind and tell me what it is.

Anikin: I thought this was the test for The Chosen One, not a tryout for the Psychic Friends Network.

Mace: Just do like I tell you.

Mace presses a buttin on the screen.

Anikin: It's a dupe bug.

Mace: Well, look at the big brain on Anikin. Ok Annie, let's try another one.

Anikin: It's a PK switch bug.

Yodewd: Impressive he is.

Mace: Hey, we aint finished yet.

Mace presses another button on the screen.

Anikin: It's an experience point bug.

Yodewd: Enough. Convinced we are.

Mace: Convinced you are, you mean, greenie.

Gin: So will he be trained?

Yodewd: No way.

Gin: What, why not?

Yodewd: A student you already have.

Gin: Ewan is ready to be a Jedi Knight.

Ewan: Woah, ur throwing me over for this little kid? U suxxor dewd.

Yodewd: No means No. Now begone.

Gin, Ewan and the Anikin are led away.

Mace: U think he is really the chosen one?

Yodewd: Maybe...I wanted to be the chosen one. PK them later we will.

Cut to the imperial senate. Palpatino, NuNu and Prima Dona are in their hover box waiting to speak. NuNu is fiddling around with the controls and manages to ram the box into the ETs box.

ET: NuNu go home!!

Prima: Will you stop playing around!

NuNu: Mesa sowwy!

NuNu tries to put the box back into place and rams into the Borg box.

2of1254433: Resitance is futile. You will be...hey r u a gungun?

NuNu: Yesa!

2of1254433: Never mind dewd.

Prima: U idiot.

Prima looks around to make sure no one is looking, and pushes NuNu out of the box. He plummets to the senate floor below.

Prima: Oops.

Palpatino: Never mind that, it's our turn.

They drive up to the front.

Prima: Supreme Guide Valium, we have been invaded by the Lewt Federation. What r u going to do about it?

Valium: I'm sorry, I can't help you with that.

Prima: But they r PKing all my people.

Valium: I'm sorry, I can't help you with that.

Prima: I hate u!

Valium: I'm sorry, I can't help you with that.

Prima: New leader! I call for new leader!

Valium: I'm sorry, I can't help you with that.

Wookie Senator: ROOAR

Palpatino: Excelllent. The motion has been seconded. We should have a new leader soon. Let's head back to your chambers.

Open on the Queen's chambers. The comlink is buzzing. Prima Dona answers it.

Prima: Hello?

Darth_Haul: Wassup? Hey, I'm sittin in ur throne right now.

Prima: I hate u.

Haul: Plus I found all your hiiden lewt. I'm gonna go sell it pretty soon.

Behind her, Anikin, NuNu, Gin and Ewan come into the room.

Haul: Plus look at all this other lewt I found.

Haul calls up an image of a huge pile of lewt on the holoscreen.

Anikin: Woohoo, lookit all that lewt!

Ewan: We must return to Naboo too...uhh free the planet!

Gin: Of course. We need to liberate the le- I mean the planet!

Prima: Kewl, letz go.

NuNu: Wesa gonna go camp the sithy?

Gin: No way, ur staying here.

Cut to the docking platform. The group has met Senator Palpatino there. Oily and Pancake are waiting in the ship.

Palpatino: Dewdz, good luck, bring me back some lewt. Good luck.

They get into the shiup and leave NuNu and Palpationo on the platform.

NuNu: I wisha I coulda went too.

Palpatino pats NuNu on the back

Palpatino: Don't worry, you'll be with them soon enough.

NuNu looks at Palpatino.

NuNu: Whats you be meaning?

Palpatino pushes NuNu off the platform. He waves as the gungun falls to the city below.

Cut to the Naboo Cruiser landing on Naboo.

Gin: Ok, we've gotta get that lewt.

Ewan: Master, I'm about to level.

Gin: Ok, let's go camp some gunguns.

Prima: Kewl!

They set off to find a Gungun spawn.

Cut to the Naboo Palace. Darth_Monty_Haul, Nuke and Doofus are talking to a hologram of the Real_Darth_Shadee.

Haul: She'll be coming after the lewt soon.

Shadee: Kewl dewd. Pk them. All of them.

Haul: No problemo.

Cut to Gina and the rest of the group standing surrounded by a bunch of Gunguns.

Ewan: Dewd, I thought u said we could PK em easy.

Gin: I dind't know they spawned so fast dewd.

Boss Crass: Now, wesa be PKing yousa!!

Suddenly NuNu spawnss next to Gin.

NuNu: Whoo, that be one berrrry long fallin!

Crass: NuNu! Whats you be doing here?

NuNu: It being their fault!!

NuNu: Points at Gin.

NuNu: Theys being PKing me alla the time!!

Crass: Is this being true? You be PKing NuNu?

Gin: Yes.

Crass: Hahaha! Mesa be liking u guys!! Mesa be grouping with you!!

Gin: Kewl dewd. We're going to go camp the Lewt Federation. U guys can go kill the Droid army, and then when they respawn, we'll switch.

Crass: Wesa being Roxxing dewdsa!!

Cut to the Naboo capitol. Gin, Ewan, Anikin, RRRtoo, Oily, Prima and Pancake are sneaking into the palace.

Oily: Dewd, I'm gonna get one of those ships and go camp the droid control ship.

Anikin: Kewl dewd, me too.

RRRtoo: Beep.

Gin: Dewd, ur too much of a newbie. Just wait here.

Anikin: U suxxors.

Suddenly the double doors open up. Darth_Monty_Haul is behind them. He whips out his "Super indestructible lightsaber of super goodness"

Haul: PK time dewdz.

Gin: Let's throw down dewd!

Ewan: Me too dewd!!

Prima: We r going upstairs to PK Nuke.

Pancake: I'm with u hottie.

Prima and Pancake run around the corner as Oily takes off and the Jedi begin to battle the Sith.

Suddenly two destroyer droids wheel around the corner.

DestroyerBob: Look, sir, droids.

Commander: Blast em!

Anikin has climbed into a ship. RRRtoo is in the droid seat behind him.

Anikin: Dewdz, let's see what those droids drop.

RRRtoo: Beep.

Anikin: Hmm, which button starts this thing? Hmm, nope, not that one. Not that one either. Nope, not this one....

RRRtoo suddenly disappears and is replaced by RRRtoo's_Nabbo_Starfighter_Piolt_Mule. He grabs anikin, shoves him onto the droid seat, then takes the pilot's seat.

Anikin: Dewd! U suxxors!

The mule fires at the droids, blowing them to bits, then flies out of the hangar.

Open on the Jedi fighting Darth_Monty_Haul in the power generator room. The three battle their way up to the force field hallway, but Ewan-Wan lags and is caught on the other side of the pit.

Haul: You suxxors modem boy.

Cut to The gunguns massing on the field, preapring to camp the droid army. The army
spawns, and the Gunguns rush at it in a mad frenzy of kill stealing.

In the midst of the battle, Bob and the Commander respawn behind the Gunguns.

DestroyerBob: Look, sir, droids.

Commander: I see them Bob...but look at those...things! Blast 'em!

Bob and the commander go to work, PKing Gunguns left and right.

Cut to the Droid control ship. A line of Naboo starfighters is lined up to camp the spawn.

Oily: dewdz, can I get next? I gotta go to work soon.

Darth_Bravo_One: No way dewd.

Bravo_One_Thrawn: No cuts!

Bravo_Jedi_One: Noob! Noob! Noob! Noob! Noob! Noob! Noob! Noob! Noob! Noob!

Suddenly the starfighter driven by RRRtoo's mule streaks by and destroys the spawn.

RRRtoo's_Mule: Now THIS is powerleveling.

Anikin: Dewd, u suxxors, I don't get to do nothin!!

Cut to the Gungun/Droid battle. The Droids have almost totally demolished the Gunguns.

NuNu: Mesa be thinking it time to run.

Boss_Crass: Yousa bet NuNu, let's go!

Suddenly the droids cease working as the control ship is destroyed.

NuNu: Woohoosa! We beat them!

Crass: Wesa Roxxor!

Cut to the interior of the palace. Queen Prima Dona and Pancake have met up with Nuke
and Doofus.

Nuke: Ooh, it's the hottie!

Doofus: She's mine!

The two nemodians begin to fight, and manage to PK each other.

Prima: That was easy.

Pancake: Kewl, where's the lewt??

Cut to the power generator Pit. Ewan is trapped on the other side of the force field from
Gin and Haul.

Ewan: MASTER!! Look out!! A big hole!!

Gin: SWEET JESUS!! It's a BIG HOLE!!

Haul: What are u yelling about??

Gin: U fool! Don't u know whenever a Jedi and a sith fight near a big hole, one of them
has to fall into it???

Haul:Hah ur stupid superstitions don't scare me!

Haul and Gin begin to fight. Haul finally manages to get the drop on Gin and PKs him.

Haul looks at Ewan

Haul: I 0wned ur master, Noob.

The force field goes down and Ewan runs at Haul. The two battle for a few minutes, then
Haul pushes Ewan into the hole.

Ewan: NOOO!! Not the hole!!!

Haul looks down where Ewan is hanging on.

Haul: Hah..us suxxors. Looks like ur master was right, ur falling ion the hole.

Ewan: Dewd, time out, ok? Let me get out of here!

Haul: No way dewd...now it's time for the spit game!!

Ewan: NOOO!!

Haul leans over the edge and drips a line of spit at Ewan, who barel dodges it.

Ewan: DEWD!! QUIT SPITTIN!!

Haul tries again, and Ewan barely dodges.

Ewan: DEWD!! Quit bein sick man!!!

Haul: You won't be able to dodge the power of my Force-Lugie!!!

Haul begins to use the force to call up the mother of all lugies from deep inside his
throat.

While Haul is distracted, Ewan leaps out of the pit, call gin's lightsaber and cuts Haul in
half. As the two halves of Haul's body plummet out of sight, Ewan leans over and spits
on them.

Gin: Dewd...hey...

Ewan rushes over to Gin

Gin: U idiot...how r u.....going to loot....his corpse?

Ewan: Dewd...that suxxors.

Gin: U...noob...

Gin dies. Ewan loots hs corpse.

Cut to the central plaza outside the palace. Chancellor Palptino arrives just in time to see
Nuke and Doofus being led away.

Pancake: Have fun being banned dewdz.

Palpatino: Hey, u guys won.

Prima: Yeh, we roxxored dewd.

Palpatino: Hey, little dewd man. I heard u got to fly in a ship.

Anikin: Shut up geezer.

Cut to Chow-Yun's funeral pyre.

Yodewd: Why did Chow-Yun not respawn? Everyone else respawned...

Mace: Dewd, I heard he quit to go Beta WWII online.

Yodewd: Suxxors that does.

Ewan: Dewdz, I'm gonna train Anikin as a Jedi.

Yodewd: Train him well, like I trained you. Very proud of the way you killed the sith, am I
my pupil.

Ewan: U didn't train me. Gin did.

Yodewd waves his hand.

Yodewd: Trained you I did.

Ewan: Yodewd was my teacher...

Cut to Naboo. All the principals have gathered to celebrate the end of the beta.
Everyone gathers on the stage, and as a symbol of peace, Prima Dona give Boss Crass
the complete bug list.

Prima Dona: With these bugs, the Dev team will be able to make the perfect game.

NuNu: Bugs? Mesa like yummy bugs.

NuNu's tongue streaks out, and he devours the bug list.

NuNu: Whysa everyone lookin at me like that?

The whole cast descends on NuNu and PKs him repeatedly

The end.

User avatar
Belecthor
Posts: 33
Joined: Sun Jul 21, 2019 4:27 am

Re: Lewt Warz

Post by Belecthor » Sun Jul 28, 2019 2:59 am

(Note: I made a few minor formatting changes, but otherwise left it the way it was copied from Rhett's posts on the old forums. So if anything looks weird, blame him!)

User avatar
RhettSarlin
Posts: 62
Joined: Mon Jul 08, 2019 6:12 am
Location: Estonia

Re: Lewt Warz

Post by RhettSarlin » Sun Jul 28, 2019 5:29 am

Yes. Blame me. Shower me in blame! Muahaha!

That said, awesome. I lost this when a hard drive went out on me a couple years ago. It deserves to be seen.
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Darka
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Jul 12, 2019 6:44 am

Re: Lewt Warz

Post by Darka » Mon Aug 12, 2019 8:36 am

Whatever happened to Rooks1138?

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